We Are Infinite

f o r t y - o n e

k a d e  /  f o r t y - o n e

I see Mia Lynch again. Unexpectedly, as it always is. I'm beginning to think that the universe is playing matchmaker, that maybe she's rooting for us in some way. I like to think that, because it makes me hope that maybe there's hope for us. That maybe the universe will get what she wants.

It's Wednesday afternoon, and I catch a glimpse of her in a store on High Street. She's rifling through a rack of dresses, her head tilted just so, hair falling on either side of her face. I don't realize that I'm staring; probably lovestruck, until someone taps me on my shoulder and I'm shaken out of my reverie.

I turn around, and have to catch my composure when I see that it's Caitlyn, Mia's best friend. Oh, shit. They must have come shopping together. No doubt, she's going to tell Mia about me staring. How do I get myself in these situations?

Caitlyn grins, holding out a hand, "Hi! I'm Caitlyn Niall. Mia's best friend."

"Hey. Kade Ryder," I say, shaking her hand. Caitlyn lets out a laugh, "I know."

There's an awkward silence when neither of us knows what to say, and then Caitlyn continues, "We're here for, um, dresses," she pauses, eyeing me carefully, "For prom."

"Oh."

That's all I can say. Because Mia's going to prom with Kade Lawson, and she's shopping for a dress that he will see her in, and he'll be holding her hand and slow dancing with her and bringing her something to drink and it's him and not me.

I don't look at Caitlyn Niall, instead opting for a quick goodbye and then I'm walking back to my car. Once I'm in the drivers seat of the Mustang, I rake my fingers through my hair, letting out a sigh. I watch as Caitlyn walks into the store, heads to Mia. I watch as Mia holds up a red dress, and I can tell that it's exactly the kind of thing Kade Lawson would want her to wear.

I'm frustrated, and I'm angry at myself, for thinking this could be any different. I don't look back as I start up the Mustang, pulling out of the parking lot.

. . .

I'm home an hour later. I pull into the driveway, but it's only once I step out of my car that I realize that Dad's Range Rover is outside the house as well. Well, shit. Dad's home, I guess.

I'm bracing myself for a screaming match, maybe a mug thrown at the wall; coffee staining the kitchen tiles, something. Instead, when I walk into the house, all I hear are quiet voices talking in the lounge. I can tell straight away that it's Mom and Dad. The fact that the voices are low and not telling takes me aback.

I hear a whisper at the top of the staircase, and it's Finn. I walk up to him, sitting next to him on the top stair. I throw an arm around his shoulder, ruffle his hair, "What's going on, little guy?"

"They're talking. Mom said it's rude to overhear on other people's conversations."

I hold back a laugh, "Well, kiddo, she's right. But what are they talking about?"

Finn shrugs, pushing his hair away from his face, "You?"

"Oh." I say. I guess this was expected. I was the reason Dad walked out in the first place, I suppose it's a given that they'd be discussing me as soon as Dad got back.

Suddenly, footsteps can be heard in the lounge as someone begins walking. Finn and I frantically get up, and I push him into his room with a muffled laugh.

Mom's standing on the bottom of the staircase. "Kade? Can you come down here, sweetie?"

"Sure." I say, wondering what's going to happen now. It doesn't look too bad; Mom is all smiles.

I walk into the lounge with Mom at my heels, sitting down on a beanbag. Dad's sitting on the L-shaped couch, his arms crossed in front of him. His expression is neutral; there's absolutely no way I can gauge anything from it.

Mom sits down next to Dad, and when she takes his hand in hers, I'm so shocked I almost fall off the beanbag. "Mom? . . . what's going on?"

Mom smiles again, "Kade. So your father and I had a little talk. And he wants to say something." Mom nudges Dad in the ribs, and I see him swallow.

Finally, he looks up at me, dark bags beneath his eyes. It looks like he didn't get much sleep; a sign of insomnia, or maybe nights spent thinking of ones wrongs.

"Kade. Uh, I owe you an apology, son." Dad looks nervous, and maybe I should be enjoying this, but I don't, not really. I'm listening to Dad's words, "I shouldn't have forced you to play soccer. Maybe I was living my dream through you or some shit like that, but it was wrong."

"The scout . . . I turned him down. Told him to offer the scholarship to another player. So you don't have to worry about that."

Okay, wow. I never expected this, but damn. Dad apologizing, and owning up? Rare occurrence.

Maybe that's why this means as much as it does, right now.

Mom speaks up now, "Kade, things are going to change in this house. Your father and I are going to be around a lot more, for one. Finn needs that."

I'm still sitting there on the beanbag, hearing my parents say things I'd thought they never would. The Ryder family has been a crap one, for the last few years.

I hope things really do change. Finn does need it to.

. . .

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