We Are Infinite

f o r t y

m i a  /  f o r t y

I meet Cameron at my locker first thing on Monday morning. Kade Lawson isn't here yet, so I've got a few minutes to speak to Cam. He raises an eyebrow, leaning against Caitlyn's locker next to mine. Speaking of, she isn't here yet as well, otherwise no doubt he'd have his arm wrapped around her waist.

Caitlyn and Cameron became official last afternoon. They'd went for a date, eaten sushi, and he'd dropped her off at home afterwards. Typical, but the cutest, especially as they make such an adorable couple.

I take a deep breath, and Cam widens his eyes expectantly, "What's up, Lynch?"

"Look, Cam. I need to end things with Kade, Kade Lawson that is. How is he, though?"

Cameron sighs, his gaze dropping to the linoleum tiled floor. "How do I say this, um. Um. You see. Things with his Dad, it's getting . . . worse. Can you, um, put off ending things for another week or so?"

Oh, hell.

"But . . . but prom." I stutter helplessly.

"Oh, shit. Just go with him?" Cameron suggests, and I see that he gets it too, gets that I don't want to drag things longer than I already dragged them for. At the same time, he's just looking out for his best friend.

I sigh, my heart heavy. "I'll think about it, okay?"

. . .

Dad comes home at six that evening, all smiles. His face is flushed, but in a good, happy way. It was his first day of his new job, and as is obvious, it went great.

I give him a hug as soon as he's in through the door, and I feel him smile against my hair. I feel close to tears, but I swallow them away, knowing that I'll need them for later.

I cooked dinner after a really long time, chicken chow mein and chocolate mousse for desert. Dinner flies by in a blur, Dad talking about his new job, me telling Dad that I've got to go shopping for prom, and after, Dad and I do the dishes together.

It's the most time I've spent with Dad in a long time, and it leaves me feeling happy and somehow at peace. Content. I can tell he feels it too, it's obvious from the look on both our faces.

After cleaning up and washing the dishes, we go to see Mom. My heart is in my throat as I sit in the passenger seat of Dad's SUV, and my knees have turned to jelly as I walk into the florists, asking for a bouquet of yellow tulips.

I remember how Mom's favorite flowers were always tulips, even though she seemed like she was the kind of person who'd prefer the typical red rose. There was a lot of things about Mom that I took for granted. God, I shouldn't have.

The cemetery is dark, dusk is falling upon our shoulders. The sky is in pretty colors, from orange to red to pink and blue, but they're fast fading as Dad and I stand shoulder to shoulder, quiet. I press a hand to my chest, trying to calm my heartbeats. My heart feels like it's going to jump out of my chest at any given moment.

Slowly, Dad and I begin walking to the grave. Mom's grave. I clutch the bouquet of tulips in my hand, hoping I don't crush them. My knees are jelly, but I make my way, following Dad.

I can see how much harder this is for him, and just before we reach the grave, I put a hand on Dad's shoulder. He turns around, and when I see his eyes, misted with tears, I take a step and burrow my face into his shoulder.

I'm crying now, too, but Dad's comforting hand on my back calms me. And as Dad and I break apart; walk to Mom's grave, shoulder to shoulder, tears in both our eyes, I'd like to think that wherever Mom is, she'd be happy to see us like this.

Moved; crying, maybe, but nevertheless, together. Dad and I, a family again. We're trying, and we're beginning over, and we'll survive.
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progress! lowkey feel like a proud mom rn lol