Paper Life

self hate

I'd dream of a life
So different from my own
It wasn't a dream, more of a nightmare
My reality was much harder to face alone

I wish I wasn't scared
I bit my tongue
Tasted fresh blood
Staying silent and listening to you drag me through the mud

I hoped you'd stop
After all, I knew I was a piece of shit
You followed me
Made it well known
How worthless I really am

You told me things I didn't want to hear
Today was already hard
It was already terrible
But you had to make it worse

You always had the last word
Told me you knew you were an ass
You didn't give a damn
You'd say you just have a lot on your mind

You say you didn't mean it
You say it's all going downhill
That it wasn't me and you actually loved me
I call bullshit

You didn't see the little girl
Crying alone in the night
You didn't see her grow up
You never made it right
You never remembered those pained conversations

Did you see my hell the last year?
Did you see the things I faced?
You didn't see my demons
You didn't know what I went through

Yet, you claimed your problems made you an ass
You're wrong
You needed an excuse to not remember the night before
It made sense to you

I was full of self hate
I was pissed at you
Even more anger at myself
I wouldn't ever stoop as low

You claimed you wanted me to be as straight forward
That's what you did when you said what you said
Sorry to break it to you
Even with my self hate
I'll never be like you
I refuse
My hate will never consume me

My fire burns bright
It'll never be dimmed
I won't let anything make me you
I wanted more for myself

You claimed I did such wonderful things
If they're so wonderful
Why did you stay away?
You never saw the "wonderful" things
So back off and leave me the frick alone
I'm over it