Frozen In Time | H. Rogers ✓

four - 1:03 am

I just saw endgame, I'm posting this as I'm waiting for my mom to pick me up. I'm crying so hard.

After an emotional goodbye to Peggy, Dad still wanted to make one more stop. I wanted desperately to go home. My emotions are everywhere and I'm angry that everyone hid the fact that Peggy was still alive.

They lied to me, probably thinking I couldn't handle it. I probably would be fine if someone told me right away.

She's just laying there, forgetting every 5 minutes. it's utterly breaking my heart, having to explain to her again and again that I was alive.

I sat outside the room where dad was in. I think it was a PTSD group or something. I remember they tried to have me go into therapy but that didn't turn out well. I don't like talking about my feelings.

I rubbed my eyes, my eyes are sore from crying previously. I could do my homework but I just sat there staring at my old teddy bear. I thought I lost this along with Peggy, But she kept it this whole time.

The meeting wasn't long, I guess we came at the end of it. People walked out, some nodded at me and I stood up.

I tucked my bear into my already overpacked bag and walked into the room. "I'll see you next week." Some female war veteran said to Sam. "Yeah." Sam walked up to dad "Look who it is. The running man."

I didn't want to interrupt them, I don't even want to talk. I think everyone can tell I'm upset and frankly I have no strength to fake happiness right now. I'm pissed and everyone should know that.

"Caught the last few minutes. It's pretty intense." Dad replied. I wasn't in there, he told me to wait outside. Maybe he didn't want me hearing what they were talking about? I don't know.

"Yeah, brother, we all got the same problems. Guilt, regret." Yeah also depression and full on rage. How haven't I put my fist through a wall yet?. "You lose someone?" Dad questioned. We all lost people.

"My wingman, Riley. Flying a night mission. Standard PJ rescue op, nothing we hadn't done a thousand times before, till RPG knocked Riley's dumb ass out of the sky. Nothing I could do. It's like I was up there just to watch." Sam remarked. That sounds horrible, I stayed silent. I can't imagine his heartbreak.

When we lose people we seem to deal with it in different ways, when I lost Phil I was more angry then anything, and I avenged him. Loki is in Asgardian prison for the rest of his days.

"I'm sorry." Dad apologized. "After that, I had really hard time finding a reason for being over there, you know?" Sam and dad understood eachother, I wasn't in the army at all. So I can't relate but from stories of the WW2, it was brutal. I grew up during the aftermath.

"But you're happy now, back in the world?" I spoke up, my voice actually sounded kind of scratchy from not speaking and from the crying.

Sam looked at me, he could tell I wasn't my normal sarcastic, sunshine self. He patted my shoulder. "You okay?"

"I'm fine." I gave a small smile and walked up close to dad leaning on him a bit. I'm so sleepy, and I have homework from almost every class.

"Hey, the number of people giving me orders is down to about zero. So, hell, yeah. You thinking about getting out?" He answered my question and asked dad one.

"No. I don't know. To be honest, I don't know what I would do with myself if I did." This is why I should be in training again. Maybe I'll be the next superhero but like hell he'll let that happen.

"Ultimate fighting?" Dad stopped Sam and  laughed "It's just a great idea off the top of my head. But seriously, you could do whatever you want to do. What makes you happy?" Sam asked dad.