Toast (an everlark fanfic)

Chapter 18

KATNISS'S POV

It takes hours, even with the impressive speed of the aircraft, to get to our base in russia. As we step out of the aircraft, Paylor walks by
"Alright soldiers, lets go" she says commandingly

We step out of the aircraft, and move swiftly to the bunker provided at our base, making sure Paylor doesn't notice me

"Stay here" Gale says, as the squad exits the "room".

It looks similar to the base we stayed at when we were shooting propos, and ended up getting caught in the war

It was a cloth tent looking structure, but it was large enough to fit a squad of soldiers. It had 2 rows of hard metal "beds" with 3 in each row

I thought it was strange that there were a perfect number of beds for our squad, including me

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As we settle down for the night, my mind can't help but wonder

To Peeta, to Bare. i thought that moving back to 12, and starting a life with Peeta, would fix me

And it did in some ways. But i made a mistake in thinking that it would fix me completely, i denied the truth. The truth was that i'd never be fully fixed, that those nightmares would never go away

My little sister died in a war that I started. I volunteered to save her, but in the long run, i ended up killing her. When i said "if we burn, you burn with us" i never meant for Prim to be apart of it, but it was all a part of snows game

 Even after his death, it seems he is still winning. He's still controlling my life somehow, i never really got rid of him. I probably never really will

My cheeks get stained with tears, as i silently remember all of the people i am responsible for killing. Whether i knew it or not, i started this war the day I screamed to volunteer

Finnick with his sea blue eyes and luscious blonde hair, he didn't deserve to die. He has a son and wife. I not only ruined his life, i ruined theirs too. just more victims in my game

I try to push the thoughts out, but more just replace them

Cato was horrible, a monster. But i pushed him to the mutts, i let him suffer for days

Even those who didn't die at my hand, i have affected their lives. Like Annie, or Johannah who was brought to the capitol after she agreed to the plan to save ME, and worst of all Gale

We both loved each other, then i went to the hunger games and pretended to fall in love. Not only did Gale think i had fallen for Peeta, eventually i actually did. It was supposed to be a trick but i guess it didn't only work on the capitol, it worked on me too. My loving Peeta ruined Gale

I ruined so many people's lives! I can feel my nerves begin to shake me, i try to breath but its like the oxygen has been sucked from the air

I begin to choke

The room spins and i can feel the fear cripple me

I hear people waking up, i must be causing a scene

"Katniss" i hear my name but i can't wake up

"Katniss" the voice gets louder, i get closer to consciousness

"We woke up this morning and you weren't conscious" Gustan says, his eyes wide and fearful

"I- i felt myself stop breathing last night, its like i was choking on the air" i say breathlessly

Gustan helps me off the top bunk and I run to Haymitch

"Where's Gale?"

"He left early this morning, Odell called him a few minutes ago" not 3 seconds after he said that, a armored SUV pulls into base, and out runs Gale

"Katniss!" he calls

"Its okay Gale, she's okay" Haymitch says

Gale cares for me, he really does. Sometimes i think he's just trying to make up for killing my sister, but i push those thoughts out of my head. Gale loves and wants what's best for me. But he will NEVER replace or even be compared to Peeta

I miss Peeta's smile, the way his eyes light up when he plays with our children, the pure love he has for our family, but more than any of those things, i miss him.

I refuse to believe hes dead, him or Bare.

so yea, katniss is obviously not doing too good. I also didnt do another cliffhanger, giving you guys a little break lol! so this book is a few chapters from being over, comment and let me know if you want me to make a sequel! 

- your worst nightmare 😉😂