My Girl (Jonathan Toews)

46

Alexis

After the longest 13 hours of my life the doctors eventually find us and take us to see my sister. They explain that her lungs were close to being collapsed because she wasn't getting enough oxygen and that she's lucky she got here when she did. Right now they have a tube in her nose that helps her breath and a oxygen mask to go along with it for extra precaution, but they expect her to recover nicely after a few days in the hospital.

"There is one thing that we need you guys to know before you go in there" the doctor says as he turns to Jon and I. Jon wraps his arms around me as we prepare for the worst.

"What is it" I whisper.

"With the amount of asthma attacks she's had and how severe they are, her airways have started to get thicker as a result of trying to stop the asthma attacks. And while a thicker lung should give it strength, it also makes the airways smaller and more difficult for to breathe. This is called airway remodeling and it causes sever lung damage at times, especially in cases such as hers where she has severe asthma" he explains.

"So what does that mean for Kimberly" Jon questions.

"She's young, her body should be able to withhold the damage for now. Once we find the right medication she will be able to continue going to school and do some normal kid things under a careful eye. As of now she's going to be okay, it's when she gets older where she's going to run into some issues" he says.

"How bad will it get" I wonder.

"I think she's going to need a lung transplant" he admits and I inhale sharply. "If we can get her on better medication then we can prevent more damage and she will be fine for the immediate future. But there's no way to undo the damage. We can go in and try to widen her airways but that will cause damage of it's own. For now our best bet is to find her the right medication and help her get better then somewhere down the road she'll need a lung transplant" he explains.

I let my head fall to my chest as I close my eyes tight so the tears can't come out. I get this pain in my chest, and not the kind of pain that asthma gives you, but the kind of pain that makes it feel like you're a failure.

Because I failed her. Her lungs wouldn't have had the kind of damage it does if I was able to take care of her properly. She wouldn't be in this situation if I could have kept her in the hospital when she had pneumonia and she got proper treatment, then she would have more time. She would have been able to be a normal kid and not have to worry about having a asthma attack all the time.

"You guys can go see her. We would like to ask you to make it so she doesn't talk as much, but as you guys both know that's not very reasonable" the doctor chuckles as I smile. Good to see she's feeling better.

So he moves to the side and we go in there. I find my sister in a hospital gown with a few dolls in her bed. A few of Jon and I's friends have stopped by and brought flowers and dolls as a get well soon gift. His parents wanted to come down for a little anyway and now it looks like they'll be staying with us until Kimberly gets better.

"Jonny" her scrappy little voice asks and I smile.

"Hey squirt" he replies as I sit down next to her bed. Jon follows me over as he leans over and kisses her forehead softly. She pulls him into a huge hug and I smile. Those two mean the world to me, and I'm so thankful I still have them both.

"How are you feeling" I ask her and she shrugs.

"Fine I guess. My nose itches but they said I can't itch it" she pouts.

"I'm sorry" I say.

"It's okay. It's not your fault" she insists and I let out a sigh.

"It kind of is" I defend.

"Did you give me asthma" she questions and I giggle a little at her sass.

"No" I admit.

"Then it's not your fault. You brought me here when I first didn't feel good and they didn't do anything. You are the best big sister I can ever ask for and I love you so much" she claims. I feel a tear drop to my cheek as I wipe it away.

"I love you too sissy. I just feel awful because if I could have taken better care of you... you wouldn't be here" I explain.

"I would rather be sick here with you than somewhere else with anyone else" she says. I smile as big as I've smiled since she got sick.

"You're the best little sister ever, you know that right" I ask.

"Yup" she assures me making Jon and I just chuckle.

After a while they wanted to run some tests on her and see what medication she should take going forward. This medicine would be a lot stronger and have more side effects than the last one, but it should work. So Kimberly was here for a few more days to make sure everything is good before she could come home. Jon has a game tonight so he had to leave but his parents should be here any time.

So I come back to her hospital room and hang out with her and Jon's parents as we watch the game. His parents brought some stuff for her to do to keep her busy because she was a first grader after all, she gets bored easily. But she enjoyed watching Jon in the TV and listening to his parents tell her stories of when Jon was her age. She ate it all up and honestly so did I.

Eventually she falls back asleep and we let her be. I take them back to Jon's place where they were staying in the spare. The game just ended so it will still be a while until Jon would join us again. So I help them get settled in and make them a little snack before bed. I join them on the couch and they both look at me like they were just talking about me. Trust me, I know that look all too well.

"I'm sorry, did I interrupt you guys" I question as I set the tray of food in front of them.

"Not really. We wanted to talk to you" Andree claims and I swallow hard. I sit down next to them on the couch as they look at me. "How are you doing" she starts.

"I'm fine" I claim.

"Sweetie, I know what it's like for someone you care dearly about to be sick. You're a lot of things, but you're not fine" she insists. I slowly nod my head as I look at my hands in my lap. I start to fiddle with them until I feel a hand on top of mine. I look up and see Andree squeezing my hand. "It's okay not to be okay. Sometimes you don't want to be strong. I get it. We just want you to know that we're here not just for Jon but for you too. We want to see you do good, Kimberly too. If you need anything don't be afraid to ask" she assures me.

"Thank you, so much" I whisper and she smiles.

"Bring it in" she insists and I smile back. She pulls me into a tight hug as I hold her tight. She smelled like sugar cookies and was so warm. I was so thankful for Jon and his family, I couldn't even try to put it into words.