My Girl (Jonathan Toews)

51

Jonathan

Saying goodbye to Alexis and Kimberly for a week was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Saying goodbye to my parents was hard, saying goodbye to my friends is hard, saying goodbye to those two is impossible. Even though we would meet up in Edmonton, this is still going to be the longest we've ever been apart ever since I first met them and I wasn't excited to have to leave

"I think this is the saddest I've seen you. And I've seen you get dumped by a super model" Bryan says as he sits next to me. I was in the bar by myself just trying to drink myself to sleep until my dear friend joined me.

"Sorry to be such a buzz kill" I mumble as I swirl my beer around in it's bottle.

"Wanna talk about it" he asks as I let out a huff.

"Not really" I admit.

"If you don't talk about it how are you going to get it off your chest? It's going to keep weighing you down until you sink to the bottom. Then you're gonna stay down there with no choice but to look up as your life passes you by. Do you want that" he questions.

"Of course not" I defend.

"Then you can't let whatever it is keep you down. This team and so many more people need you" he reminds me.

"And what about what I need" I ask.

"What do you need that you don't have? You have the gold medals at every level and the cup and MVP. You have a great family and a wonderful girl. What else do you need" he questions.

"People to understand that just because I'm blessed doesn't mean that this life doesn't come with burdens" I insist.

"Every action we take has consequences. Some good and some bad. Even though you're the pride and joy of Chicago and Winnipeg and everywhere in between, you're still just a man" he reminds me.

"I am a man who loves his girlfriend more than he's ever loved anything before. I'm known for not being so soft, but everything about that woman make me weak. She means everything to me and when I'm not with her... I feel like nothing. I feel nothing" I sigh.

"You know, Amanda and I were high school sweethearts. I've been head over heels in love with that woman for what feels like my whole life. And it's not the easy times that make it so worth it, it's the hard times. It's every night you're in bed and you reach out for her and she's not there. It's every morning in a hotel eating their awful breakfast wishing it was those little pancakes she cooks into the shape of a heart. It's every time you take the ice and you look in the crowd hoping one of those faces is hers, no matter where you are.

Being away is hard, trust me, I know. And it doesn't get any easier as the years go on. The longer you're together the more you realize you don't want to be apart. I've been with Amanda for 8 years, 8 years and this trip still sucks more than it ever should. But it's the hard times like this that makes it all worth it. Seeing her again for the first time since you left, it's the best feeling in the world. The way she jumps in your arms and trusts that you won't let her go. You can't let yourself get so far down that you can't enjoy those moments" he insists.

"But I haven't had eight years with her. I haven't even had one. And I don't want to spend most of my time away wishing she was here" I admit.

"Nothings going to take that hurt away, not until you see her again. But you have to remember that she's being strong for you. She's holding it down back home counting down the seconds she sees you again. Lexi, she's an amazing woman. I am blessed to have her in my life and be such a big part of this organization. You don't have to act like you don't miss her, you would be a idiot to. But you should try to be strong for her and remind her that doing this is the hardest thing you've ever done" he explains.

"Since when were you so sensible" I ask.

"I don't know. We wanted to try and start a family since we got married a few months ago. I wanted to be a helpful dad and not some meat head" he shrugs.

"You're going to be a great father. Then one day I will tell them the story of how you and I connected on a goal that was the first in 17 seconds to win a Stanley cup" I smile.

"They probably won't believe their dad ever did something cool. I know I'll be that awkward dad who chaperones parties just to make sure my kids are okay" he chuckles.

"Those are the best dads" I laugh along.

"But until then... it's just me and her. And she knows that I never want to leave, she knows that there's no place I would rather be than by her side. Make sure Alexis knows that too. Even if she knows, it doesn't hurt to say it again" he says.

"Thanks dad" I tease as he laughs.

"Any time, son."

After I finish my beer I go up to my room. I realize I left my phone in here on the charger and I had a missed call from Alexis. I feel awful because it's late and I didn't want to disturb her, but I didn't want her to think I was ignoring her either. So I call back and pray she wasn't asleep.

"Hello" she mumbles into the phone and I let out a long sigh.

"I woke you up... didn't I" I ask.

"No. I actually just got Kimberly down. She lost a tooth then told me she wasn't going to bed until she met the tooth fairy. Finally I tricked her into going to sleep and slipped a dollar under her pillow" she explains.

"Sounds like a fun night" I tease.

"Oh yeah. Every person in their mid twenties dreams of nights like mine" she teases.

"So how was your day" I wonder.

"It was pretty good. My routine is ready for the weekend and Kimberly and I are all packed. We're ready to come find you" she assures me.

"You know I miss you more than anything, right" I ask.

"Of course I do" she promises.

"Did you know that leaving you is the hardest thing I've ever had to do" I ask as the line falls silent.

"No" she claims.

"It is. Because you want me to stay and I want to stay and I just can't stay. Because I've never wanted something in my life that I couldn't get myself, and I want you and I can't have you right now. Because you are what makes waking up in the morning so worth it and to see a empty bed kills me inside.

I don't want you to feel bad I just... I want you" I say softly.

"Don't worry sweetie, I want you too" she promises.