I hate having to to see you
I hate having to hear your voice
I hate having to hear your name
I hate remembering the past
Our past
I hate knowing that
You hate me
And yet
I would still do anything for you
I would die for you if need be
But you don't even give me a second thought
To you i'm just a reminder of the past
Of what
Once was
And I guess in a way
That's what you are to me too
But to be honest
I don't know what I did
I know that it's my fault
And i want to say sorry
Sorry for whatever I did
Sorry I hurt you
Sorry I was terrible
I'm happy you're happy now
I'm happy you are in a good place
I'm glad that she's good to you
But I still find it hard
To go thru the days
Not being able to talk to you
To go up to you
To have to completely ignore you
Pretend you don't exist
But you do
And I can Always find you in a crowd
It's hard to go from speaking and trusting someone
For years to
In a day stop talking to them
To stop trusting them
To stop going to them for strength
It's strange
And even after a year
I'm still not used to it
My stomach twists and turns
Everytime I see you
And sometimes
I wonder if you feel the same
If your body tenses
If your head spins
Your jaw locks
Your stomach bunches
But i'll never really know will I?
And you'll never read this.
So I guess we will stay where we are
Till the end of time.
