Nocturnal

Chapter Twenty Nine.

Chapter Twenty Nine.

            I was tangled in Ben’s arms and legs, I looked around. I was in a hospital room and I was laying in a hospital bed, I looked at Ben’s sleeping form and kissed his forehead. I’m pretty sure this is the first time he has slept in weeks. Untangling myself I went to the bathroom to take a shower, my body felt heavy and I was sure I smelt really bad. I stepped into the steaming shower and imagined the water was washing away all the scars Clayton had left behind.

            I eventually got out and dried off; I looked around for different clothes. Going into the room I saw a black bag by the door, it contained lots of clothes and I pulled out a pair of sweatpants and a baggy shirt. I went back to the bathroom and pulled on the baggy shirt and then began to pull my hair into braided pigtails. There was a growling back in the room.

            “Amith! Amith where are you?” Ben said, I heard more growling and the sound of something breaking. I ran out of the bathroom and saw one of the chairs from the hospital room broken in pieces and Ben’s eyes an inky black.

            “Ben I’m right here. I’m still here,” I said to him, his eyes began to fade and then they went back to his spectacular green. Making his way over to me he pulled me into a deep embrace. Ben’s not Clayton, I reminded myself and hugged him back.

            “I was scared they had taken you again,” Ben said, I smiled at his words.

            “I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere without you,” I responded, Ben nodded and I smiled at him and kissed him. Ben growled and deepened the kiss, I wanted to go farther but something held me back. It was fear, I didn’t want Clayton to affect me but he did. I pushed Ben away and gave us some space. Ben looked surprised and a little hurt; I could tell he was going through my mind. I shut the months that I spent with Clayton out of my mind so he couldn’t see them. I wasn’t ready for him to go all wolf on me, I was barely bringing all my emotions back and I felt unstable.

            “Why are you blocking me out?” Ben asked me, I sighed and looked at him.

            “Because, there is stuff in there you don’t want to see,” I responded and went to sit on the bed, Ben gave me a look and joined me.

            “You’re scared of me,” he said, it wasn’t a question and I shook my head.

            “I’m scared of Clayton,” I responded.

            “Then what’s wrong?” Ben asked, I looked at him as if he had grown another head. Sometimes men were so stupid.

            “I was almost raped yesterday and I’ve been living my own personal hell for the past few months, I am allowed to not want to jump straight into bed with you,” I said harshly, I laid down on the bed and pulled the covers around me. 

            “I’m not saying to just jump in bed with me; I’m asking why my mate―who is supposed to trust me more than anyone―is scared of me,” Ben responded back, his tone was ice. I sighed, I wasn’t scared of him I was scared of everything going on in my head. I was scared that I would mistake him for Clayton when I knew he wasn’t.

            “I just need a little space,” I said, my voice sounded hoarse and I felt Ben shift from the bed to a chair across the room. We sat in silence for a while; I decided that it was better if he would just stay out of my head for a few weeks. I closed my eyes but I saw Clayton behind my eye lids and I decided that trying to sleep was obviously out of the question. The doctor walked in and smiled at us both.