Nocturnal

Chapter Thirty.

Chapter Thirty.

            Ben and I were sitting in his office, he hadn’t let me out of his sight not that I minded. I liked to be near him, I was sitting on his lap as he did accounts and I watched him like a good Luna should. We still hadn’t had sex and it had been a week since I had come back, but we hadn’t really talked about the whole ‘I don’t want to get pregnant for years’ thing yet so I was sort of grateful.

            Ben was writing with one hand and his other hand was stroking my side, it was driving me utterly crazy. I leaned against him some more, relishing in the feel of him. Next week we were to have a party to celebrate my return, it was supposed to be a big celebration or something. Ben wouldn’t let me talk or see anyone, I was supposed to be on bed rest so I could heal a little bit more but it got boring after a while. I turned and kissed Ben’s jaw and then the mark on his neck and began to suck on it, his breathing escalated making me smile.

            “Amith stop it,” Ben said sternly, I shook my head and continued to suck on his neck. The pen in his hand fell and he pulled my head back and kissed me hungrily, I smiled at him and kissed him back harder. This was my chance to tell him that we could have sex but that I didn’t want kids.

            “Ben?” I said as he trailed fiery kisses down my neck.

            “Yeah?” he mumbled as he pushed down the strap of my tank top and exposed some of my boob.

            “I don’t want to have kids, I started taking a birth control three days ago,” I said to him, at first he didn’t care as he began to suck on my nipple but then he froze.

            “What?” he asked me. I sighed and looked him in his extraordinary green eyes.

            “I don’t want to get pregnant,” I whispered to him, he sighed and sat back in his chair. I knew he wanted to say something but I didn’t push it. “I just think we should wait for a while, I just don’t want to have kids until Christian is taken care of and maybe even until we move into the other house and everything is more stable.”

            Ben was quiet, he wouldn’t look at me but his hand stroked my thigh. I sighed and played with his fingers, I knew he wouldn’t take it well. I mean how could an Alpha understand the reluctance to produce an heir. Ben finally looked at me and forced a smile onto his face that I knew wasn’t real.

            “You don’t want kids?” he asked me, I quickly shook my head.

            “I want kids but right now is not the best time and I just can’t put myself through something like that again. I just need a few years,” I replied. Ben continued to force the smile but he dropped his eyes to my hands.

            “You want to wait years?” Ben asked, his voice was calm and I knew he thought I was too fragile for him to yell at but I wasn’t.

            “Ben if you’re angry than yell. Yell and yell and yell at me. I can handle it, I’m not weak,” I noticed the way he looked at me, as if I was crazy.

            “I think you are being selfish,” Ben said. “I think you aren’t thinking about the fact that I lost our child too and I only got to hear its heart beat once!” Ben was quickly growing angry.

            “You don’t understand, I’m not saying never just not now,” I said to him, I wasn’t being selfish was I? “You can’t replace the baby we lost with a new one, the pain will always be there no matter what,” I said to Ben.