Even if the Barricade Should Fall

Chapter twenty-three

Enjolras and I walked along the dark, deserted streets of Paris. We had finally left the Cafe Musian after a long time of feeling distant.

"So..." Enjolras' voice trailed off as shoved his hands in his pockets and broke the lingering silence.

"So..." I copied in reply.

"Enjolras-" "Genevieve-" we both started at the same time. We awkwardly walked continued walking for a moment before I before I broke the returning silence.

"You go first..." I quickly glanced at him then turned away.

"I think you're amazing Gen, the way you support me and and my cause, our cause, how well you get along with my friends, I really admire you, you know that. But..." he started. It was going so well until 'but'.

"But what?" I nervously asked, not particularly wanting to hear an answer.

"Do not get me wrong, I know who you are, you know who I am. We are by no means strangers, but I've only know you for a week or two, Gen." Enjolras rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

"I understand" I spoke, trying to hide the sadness that was creeping into my voice.

This was it. He was going to leave me, go off to the revolution and never return. He didn't need me, I needed him, but that didn't matter, I was just weighing him down...

"And I've never even had a girlfriend before, and here I am engaged..." he said more to himself than to me.

"True" my breath hitched as I carried tears on the waterlines of my eyes.

"I can't believe it really, I'm engage-" he started.

"Does this engagement mean nothing to you?" I cut him off and stopped walking.

"W-what?" He stopped walking too and stumbled on his words.

"This engagement, this love. Does it not mean anything to you? I'm madly in love with you Enjolras. You proposed to me, and here you are trying to convince yourself you're engaged?!" I didn't realise I had raised my voice as I lost my temper. By the time I had finished talking, several tears of stress, worry, fear and sadness has streamed down my cheeks.

"Genevieve, please don't cry. I'm sorry" he pulled me into his chest, I let him, but I didn't hug him back.

"I don't need you to be sorry, Enjolras" I cried into his chest then pulled back to look in his eyes. His eyes were full of worry, drowning out the fire...

"I need you to love me in return" I said bluntly.

His face went blank. No, no please Fireboy, you loved me yesterday what has changed? He just remained staring into my eyes, until he did something that took me by surprise... he started crying.

I had seen Enjolras shed a few stray tears, but never cry. He looked more youthful than ever, like a lost little boy, and although it seemed strange, he looked beautiful. He didn't look weak, in a very odd way, he looked stronger than ever.

He took my face in his hands and passionately pressed his lips to mines, our tears blending together.

"Of course, I love you" he pulled back ever so slightly, opening his eyes just enough to see a clear view of mines.

I pulled him back down and kissed him again, tangling myself in his hair, he had stopped crying but I felt as if I had started all over again.

"I love you" he repeated, catching his breath. His words were meaningful, but his eyes were empty... the fire had gone.

"I know, which is why I'm only holding you back" I looked to the ground and noticed a small wet patch in the pavement from were my continuous stream of tears had fallen.

"No, god no. Genevieve I love you. I would give anything for you, to keep you as mine forever" he took my face in his hands again, bringing it up so I would look at him.

"Even the revolution?" I spoke lowly, immediately regretting what I'd said.

The street fell silent yet again. I stood there in front of him as his mind span with thoughts, I felt so guilty to put him through this but I had too. 

"Gen, the boys and I, we've worked on this for a long time and dreamed this since we were boys..." he tried to explain.

"I understand, my love" I pressed a sweet kiss to his lips, and then began walking away.

"Where are you going?" Enjolras called after me, jogging up to meet me.

"I'm going home" I told him.

"No way, you can't just leave like this, Genevieve!" He raised his voice, the hurt shining through.

"I'm not leaving. Have a think Enjolras, no matter what you decide, I am forever yours" I gave him a kiss on the cheek then turned and walked towards the road that would lead me home, with out looking back.

On the way home I thought about how he was feeling. How I had left him, telling him "I'm forever his" then walking away.

When I arrived home it was around ten o'clock so everyone was was settled in bed, well as far I thought.

"Gen?" I heard a Spanish accent whisper.

"Anita?" I whispered back.

Anita came out from behind a corner holding a candle, it gently lit up her face and the space surrounding her.

"Why are you home? I thought you were staying with Monsieur Enjolras?" She rushed over to me.

"We had... a chat" I struggled to find the word to describe what had happened.

"Spill" she said sternly.

We went upstairs and sat in my bed, lighting a few candles around my room.

"So, are you still together?" She eagerly leaned forward.

"Yes, I doubt we will ever part. But... just now it is complicated" I looked at my carpet, taking one of the pillows to my left and hugging it tightly.

"Gen, do forgiving me if I am overstepping, but it sounds like you made him choose" she pulled a nervous face as she dawned the truth on me.

"What?" I crossed my brows.

"I don't know Gen, it just feels kind of forced?" Anita said with caution.

She was right, I had made him choose between me and the revolution... how could I do such a thing. I made him either give up his dream or choose me, how could I do such a despicable thing.

"You're right, Anita. I made him choose"