size zero ღ changlix

tredici

trigger warning!
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felix stared at the plate of food in front of him. the steam curling off the chicken, the smell was intoxicating to him. he couldn't do it. he couldn't break his streak of not eating. he wanted to. he wanted to eat it so bad. he wanted the feeling of a warm, full belly. he wanted not to feel weak and lightheaded all the time. yet, he had no choice.

he felt changbins gaze upon his face as he piled a small bit of food onto a fork, shoving it into his mouth. he felt immediate guilt. he moved the food between his teeth, cringing at the feeling of solid food fall down his throat. it tasted like ash. ash and guilt. he kept his tears in as he shoveled more food in his mouth.

ana in the back of his head was telling him about how fat he was going to get. he was never going to be skinny and perfect. he was going to become fat. obese. disgusting. he should only love himself when he can feel his fingers flutter across each bone.

"you're doing so well." changbin smiled, continuing to stare at the younger male. he felt sudden remorse as fat tears rolled down felix's cheeks as he piled food in his mouth. he said nothing more. he kept telling himself it was okay to eat, except it wasn't. he was a failure. "it's okay to leave the plate empty." changbin spoke again, watching as he cleared the plate of any food. he dropped the fork next to the plate, staring contently at the empty plate. tears smeared the sauce around the plate as he continued to cry.

"please don't cry," changbin reassured, wiping away his tears before taking the plate into the kitchen. felix knew it was going to be hard but he had to get rid of the food somehow.

"i-i'm going to shower..." he mumbled, walking to his room to grab clean clothes. he sighed, strutting into the restroom. he left changbin without a word as he cleaned the dishes. felix immediately ran the water, hoping the noise from the shower head would overrun the sound of his gags. he fell onto his knees, placing his head into the toilet as he pushed two fingers to the back of his throat. he stayed quiet. letting the gags rack through his body, vomit plunging into the bowl below. the acid burning in the back of his throat caused him to sob softly. he pulled himself together, facing the toilet again. he pressed two fingers farther down his throat, pressing and pushing until a flood of solid food splashed into the toilet bowl. he finished off by purging the little amount of liquid he had left. his body fell back as his head pressed against the cold tile. he felt tears roll across his nose as he heaved into the air. the feeling of burning and emptiness filled his stomach once again. he was satisfied. satisfied to see all that disgusting, fatty food floating around the water. he sniffled quietly, flushing the toilet before stripping himself of his clothes and stepping into the steaming shower.

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a/n i'm sorry for the short chapter :-(