size zero ღ changlix

uno

trigger warning

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felix has never thought that he was fat or that his body was unfit. he never even cared about calories or gaining weight. he ate whatever he wanted, when he wanted. that was until now.

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he glanced up from his plate of food to stare across at jeongin who complained to chan. "i don't want to get fat, hyung," chan just sighed lowly, he was clearly exhausted from the youngest males antics recently. he had quickly became obsessed with calories and the numbers on the scale. yet despite that, jeongin still held his head high. "innie, just two more bites, okay?" it was as simple as that. jeongin complied and shoveled food into his mouth.

felix glanced down at his plate of food. he had noodles, meat and vegetables piled up high. comparing his plate to jeongins, he was eating like a madman. it didn't matter if he got up and threw away his meal, nobody was paying attention to him. everyone was praising jeongin for nearly finishing a whole plate of food. that whole plate of food consisting of barely anything.

without a word, felix stood up to his dump his food into the trash can, not even bothering to glance at his band mates before entering the bathroom. as he shut the door he heard jeongin mutter under his breath, "does lixie not care about me?" only to earn a quick exclaim from woojin, "of course he cares about you! he's tired, that's all." felix just shook his head, staring at the mirror in front of him. he looked at his skin, he stared at the imperfections and odd pigmentations. his cheeks were nothing but chubby and when he smiled, they looked even bigger. he looked down at his hands, his fingers were chubby and as he grabbed his wrist, his fingers didn't touch from tip to tip. next was his stomach, he lifted his shirt and pulled at his sides, to him all he saw was heaves of fat. his ribs weren't prominent and his collarbones were barely visible. felix always felt sick when he saw how prominent jeongins ribs were without even thinking that he was his inspiration. he wanted to look just like him. his thighs had gaps, his hip bones protruded through his jeans and his cheekbones were sharp. not an inch of fat on his body.

felix pulled out the scale before stripping only to his underwear. he stared below him before stepping on. his breath hitched as the numbers appeared. 128.4 lbs. that was merely obese. "this has to be wrong..." he mumbled to himself yet it wasn't wrong, it was far from being wrong. "110 and i should be good... just a couple pounds and i'll be okay." he put the scale back before getting dressed once again. his mind was flooded with so many questions. how did jeongin lose weight so quickly? how much did jeongin weigh? does he purge? these questions were endless. he wanted to lose weight to be perfect just like him. it'll be a dirty secret, he won't seek help or tell anyone he's struggling. he deserves to struggle, especially when he's that fat.