size zero ღ changlix

sei

trigger warning

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felix's eyes fluttered open, his vision was yet to settle in. he could barely see the shadow two feet in front of him. he felt a wet cloth being placed on his forehead. "felix? can you hear me?" chan spoke quietly, tucking his bangs behind his ear. felix stared at him longingly. he recognized the voice but was unable to see him clearly. his vision was blurred to no end. he whined quietly before shifting to lay on his side, facing chan.

"nod if you can hear me," he said, holding felix's cold hand in his. he nodded slowly before knitting his eyebrows together in confusion. he couldn't quite remember what happened previously or the reason why he felt so sick. "i'll make you some food, okay? you need to eat when you're ill."

felix was unable to say anything before chan left the room. despite feeling sick, felix still knew he had to lose weight. being sick wasn't going to be a reason for him to eat.

chan was quick to come back with a cup of oatmeal and water. to his surprise, felix was sat up in the bed. "here, eat this please. i know you didn't eat much yesterday. that might be the reason you fainted," chan stated before scooping a spoonful of oatmeal, placing it up to his lips. "i-im full..." he sealed his lips shaking his head when chan tried to feed him. he wondered why chan never did this to jeongin or how jeongin never fainted after weeks of starving.

"don't do this right now, please. just two spoonfuls," chan placed the spoon in the sick boys mouth. felix chewed slowly, grimacing as food touched the back of his throat. it almost burned that's how bad it tasted. it was like ashes to him, not food. "one more felix, you're doing so well." he smiled before placing another spoonful to his lips. felix quickly swallowed, his face faltering from the thought of the calorie count. "any more?" chan asked in which he received a quiet 'no.'

chan pushed felix's body back down onto the soft mattress. "just lay down, okay? please just call me if you need anything. here's your water," he smiled faintly before leaving the boy alone again. felix sighed deeply before rolling over to face the wall. everything hurts. he was exhausted and hungry, all he could do is pray that the feeling in his stomach went away as he slept.

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"did he tell you what happened?" chan asked changbin as the two sat down together on the living room couch.

"i don't know too much but when i was walking in he was crying uncontrollably and taking apart a—a pencil sharpener, he had the blade held up to his wrist." chan nodded along to what he was saying, he had a lot of questions running through his mind. felix trailed in tiredly, clutching his stomach tightly. "i told you to rest. are you okay? what happened?" chan flooded him with worryingly questions. felix held his mouth before rushing into the bathroom. he fell onto his knees before throwing up his guts into the toilet. the two males rushed to his side immediately, rubbing shapes on his back as he gagged and choked up the bile from his stomach. despite his stomach being nearly empty, he still managed to drain the contents inside him.

chan wiped his mouth with a wet cloth before pulling the crying boy into his chest. "you're okay, it's gonna be okay," he shushed his loud sobs that gathered the attention of jisung and jeongin. felix hid his head in shame. he knew what he was doing and he felt incredibly guilty for making them worry. jisung looked around the scene with fear. he led jeongin out of the room as felix continued to cry. he didn't want the younger boy to cry when seeing felix do so.

"i-im okay— im okay. don't worry, i'm okay," felix continued to say raising his head from chan's chest, his eyes brimmed red with tears. he reached up to flush the contents down the toilet. he pushed his way out of chan's grasp, dragging his body back to the bedroom.

the tension was strong in the dormitory, everyone seemed to be on edge due to how much they all worried about felix and jeongin. chan couldn't care for them both, it was stressful and although the others helped a lot, chan still felt like he needed to do the most. yet it remains a mystery to him that felix purposely made himself vomit.