My Hijab,Jake and I.

Chapter Four/Keeping a distance

Medina

I close the door and lean against it. I hate the tears in my eyes, they make me feel weak and pathetic. I close my eyes and send a silent prayer up to Allah. I ask for guidance and strength.

I stay that way for a couple of minutes when I sense someone there. Opening my eyes my Mama is looking back at me with concern.

‘’Medina. Is everything alright my loohri [daughter].’’ She asks quietly.

I go up to her and just engulf her in my arms. She instantly returns the hug. I nuzzle her neck and she giggles in return. Mama is very ticklish. Abu loves to take advantage of it when she is in a mood with him. It never fails.

Her presence alone just comforts me. My parents are my life. I hope to never cause them pain. They are the best. It's not easy being a muslim in this world. But being a pashtun is especially hard as well. Our people are very set in their ways. The old ways that is. Just because we live in a western country that doesn't mean we forget who we are my Abu tells us. But my parents are nothing compared to other pashtun families. They are more open minded and accepting in a lot of things. However they still try to maintain the old values without going overboard.

‘’Medina. Loohri. You will tell me is there is something bothering you’’. Mama gently rubs my back.

‘’Mama. Of course. It's just been a long day. I need to wash up and get ready for prayer and read the Quran. I will feel better afterwards’’. I reply, still holding on for a few seconds before letting go and started to make my way upstairs.

And true to my word , Prayer and reading the Quran bought a sense of peace over me. The soothing arabic words that are Allah’s direct words always fills me with contentment. I have a english version of the Quran that I read from time to time, however the original arabic words are so beautiful when you sound them out. I know that even if I don't understand the text in the original wording I know that Allah will accept my efforts. The quote ‘’Turn to me and I will run to you’’ never seizes to capture my heart.

So when I put my Quran away I turn to Allah and pray. I pray that he takes away the feelings that I have for Jake. I pray for guidance and deter me away from temptation. I pray that he forgives me for I can't help the way I feel. I pray that I never disappoint him and my family. I pray and pray until I’m finally at peace in that moment.

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The following morning I’m in a better mood.  First things first after Morning prayer I decide to tidy my room up for it has been neglected lately. Once that is done I come down to Mama getting breakfast ready. Mama is an early bird. Once she wakes up for prayer she throws herself into the housework. She's a clean freak and she likes everything spotless. I go to help her but she kisses me and shoos me away.  Smiling I decide to get ready, so I go out to the garden to comb my hair. I love this time to myself. I can hear the birds chirping away and the cool morning breeze plays across my face.

I can’t help but glance up at Kelly’s window. I stop and scrunch up my face. I maybe wrong but i think I see someone behind the curtain. I shake my head maybe mistaken for if it was Kelly she would have had the window open, already chatting her little heart away. Finishing I make my way inside for breakfast.

With breakfast done I go to put on my hijab.  Today the weather is slightly warm so I decided to put up my Hijab in a turban. That done I chose a lighter hijab in the school colour Navy blue to just wrap loosely around my neck over my chest. Modesty is very important in my religion and I take this seriously.