Hidden From Reality

26

Gerard

I stared up at my old house. It loomed in front of me as I remembered all the sleepless nights with no one there, all the nights chained to my bed by my delusional mother. All the torture and pain this place had put me through. I remembered everything that had happened, right down to my dad's death. Where he had literally drank his life away. All because his son was a monster. He had originally just left, then Mom got a call from the hospital. It had been midnight when Mom had dragged Mikey and I out of our beds and to the hospital. So we could be there in his final moments. He had never apologized. He hadn't left this world with an 'I love you', but with silence. I looked up at the place, the place that had caused my nightmares, my restless nights full of fear. I heard footsteps behind me and turned to find Frank. He smiled weakly before stopping at my side.

"I, uh, didn't want you to be alone." I stared at him, recalling the pain in his face when he had been having the nightmare. I nodded and looked back up at my old home.

"You wanted to know about my nightmares, right?" Frank looked over at me and nodded. I held out my hand.

"Walk me home first." He took my hand and we began the walk home. We were entering the house as Mikey was leaving. He mumbled something about hanging out with Pete before slipping past us and out the door. Frank's parents had gone to work, so the house was empty. We walked back to Frank's room and sat down on the bed. Frank looked at me, unsure of what to say.

"I guess we can start at the beginning." Frank nodded and sat there, ready to listen to me.

"My dad...He was an alcoholic. All he did was drink. He would beat Mikey and I, even when he wasn't drunk. He seemed to take pleasure in our pain. That's when I started having nightmares. When I would be jolted awake in a cold sweat, shaking. I didn't know how to react, and I still don't. Then the accident happened. My dad got even worse, until he left. But on top of this, my nightmares had just gotten worse. I dreamt I was ripping my family to shreds, limb by limb. Of course, it was because I was a werewolf. But eventually, it changed to where I wasn't a wolf in them, I was just me, brutally murdering them. Then Dad left, and Mom picked up where he left off. Beating us and torturing us. She made sure I knew I was a monster, dangerous and deadly. That's when we moved here, and you came to introduce yourself. You were added to my nightmares. I began to doubt myself, but then you found out. You were so chill about it. Like maybe my mom was wrong, that I wasn't deadly, that I was just...Me. But Frank, do you ever think we hooked up a little quickly? Like we met then we hooked up? Maybe we had hooked up to soon...Maybe it's only a matter of time until my nightmares come true. So maybe we should-"

"If you say break up...Well, that just can't happen. I finally got you to open up about your problems. I can help you, I know I can. I can't lose you, but I can protect you. Your nightmares won't come true. Because I know you. You wouldn't hurt anyone on purpose. I trust you. I know you. You would never ever hurt anyone. Not me, not your family." I felt the urge to cry, but fought the feeling.

"But Frank, I'm broken. I'm not even human anymore. I can't go back to being myself. And the nightmares. You don't know what I did to myself to make them stop. I did so much that I regret. That I hate myself for. And it didn't change anything. Nothing changed. They just kept coming, getting worse and worse each time. I would wake up screaming for help, only to be beaten and ridiculed. I never wanted to sleep..." I stared at my lap as Frank held my hand.

"Gerard...Just what did you do?" Sniffling, I rolled up my sweatpants and revealed several pink lines in my pale skin. Not looking up, I let out a small whisper.

"Scars don't heal...But the pain kept me alive. If I didn't sleep, then I wouldn't have nightmares, right? It was faulty logic at best. I didn't sleep, I never left my room. I just sat there for days on end, not doing anything. Because I wasn't strong enough." I cried gently as Frank wrapped his arms around me. He kept telling me things like 'It's okay' and 'You'll get better'. And for once, I felt myself grow hopeful as I sat there, crying into my boyfriend's shoulder.