Are You Crying, Too?

Smile

The idiots, Sero and Kiminari, ended up black and blue.  It's what they get for pissing me off.  Who the hell did they think they were?  They sure as hell didn't have the right to assume that I would date Kirishima.  He's not the one I love, and I'm not gonna fall in love with someone else.  It would make me think that I betrayed Deku.  Even if he's dead, the guilt would consume my entire mind, like a wolf eating its prey.  Even if I had no reason to feel guilty, I would.  I already felt enough guilt anyway.

I was making my way home from the sleepover.  It was only about four in the afternoon, but dunce-face was pushing my buttons.  Kirishima told me to cool off, and take some time alone, and I decided to follow his advice.  I had just gotten off of the train and was walking the rest of my way to my house.  I was in casual wear, and I was sure that I looked like a furious dumbass, with my back slouching and my hands tucked into my jean pockets.  I scoffed at the thought of the hero, best Jeanist, looking in disappointment at me.  Why the hell should I care about what people think me of when I'm not during hero work? 

I gazed at my surroundings, becoming increasingly bored and not wanting to let my thoughts wonder.  As I watched the area around me I saw a family.  They were laughing at something a kid said while the kid looked at them, clueless as to what his parents were talking about.  The parents, a male and a female, were holding hands while the kid walked in front of them.  They appeared to be around their late twenties.

I turned away from them.  The sight wasn't worth my time.  Instead, I opted to look at the ground.

"Mister?" I heard.  I stopped walking because of the young child in my path.  He repeated his word.

"Mister?" I looked down at him, and into his ocean-blue eyes, framed neatly by his black hair.
" What is it?" I asked irritability.

"Why are you so sad?  You should smile more," He said.

"I'm not sad, kid.  Now back off before you make me angry, " I tried to move around the kid, but his next words stopped me.

"But, you are sad, mister.  I can feel it.  My quirk allows me to feel what other people feel.  So, why are you sad? "  I stared at the kid.  

"It doesn't matter.  Now get out of my way," The kid looked at me before moving out of my way.  I walked away from the scene, only to hear the boy call from behind his back, "You should really smile, mister!  It'll make you happier!"

I scoffed and ignored his words.  Smile?  Why the hell should I smile?  If I did, I would be giving up my feelings for Deku.  To smile, I would have to forgive myself for all of the horrible things I did to him.  I could never forgive myself for what I did.  So why the hell did that brat tell me to smile?  If he knew what I felt, then he should know that I wouldn't allow myself to move on.  Even if it ment drowning in this pain forever, I wouldn't.  I would never.  

Not until I somehow found a way to talk to Deku, to find a way to apologize to him.  If I could tell him about everything, then I would.  I would tell him I love him.  I would say sorry.  But Deku's gone!  And he won't be coming back!  He's gone, gone!  Deku!  Why the hell did you have to fall to that villain!?  Why!?  That fucking villain was weak, he couldn't have gotten you!  Why the hell did you die!? Deku!  You're the reason that I'm feeling all of this pain!  So, tell me!  What the hell happened!?  Why did you fall..?  Deku!  Tell me!  You're the reason that I'm crying!  You didn't give it your all!  You just handed me the title of number one because you pitied me, didn't you!?  You died so that I could be happy, didn't you Deku!?  Why the hell...!?  Why the hell...?  Why would you let yourself die?  Please...  I'm begging you...  Find a way to speak to me, wherever you are.  Deku, please...  Deku...

I broke down into tears.  My pace quickened until I went home as fast as I could.  I slammed the door to my house open, before slamming it shut.  Deku!  Deku, Deku, Deku...  Why the hell won't you get out of my head?  Why are you stuck in my thoughts?  Get out of my head!
I yanked at my hair.  My feat almost automatically went to the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet.  My hand reached to get the medicine that seemed to call my name.  I twisted the lids bottle to open it before I pulled out four pills, enough to knock me out for a few hours.  Enough to send me into a sleep so deep that nightmares couldn't follow me.  I swallowed the pills, not caring about their taste.  I then felt my body become increasingly overwhelmed by fatigue.  I leaned against the bathrooms tiled wall, before letting myself slowly slide down.  It was there that I fell asleep, sitting with my back hunched against the bathroom wall, the eyes under my eyelids red from crying, and salt stuck to my skin from fresh tears.  I slept peacefully, nightmares never once came to show themselves to me, as they always had before.