Are You Crying, Too?

Hate

I awoke to the sound of Phthonus's even breathing.  He was clinging to my torso tightly, as if he didn't want to let me go.  My arms were wrapped loosely around his body, and my head rested on his.  Our bodys were over the blankets, but we were kept warm by each others hold.

Phthonus's hair ruffled as he slightly moved.  He groaned quietly.

"Izuku..?" I moved my head so that I could see him.  His white locks softly swayed as I exhaled.  He turned to look at me, peaking at me with only one eye open.  The blanket beneath us were forced to move due to Phthonus pushing his head into it.  A child-like smile formed on Phthonus's face.

"You're...  Still here..." Phthonus mumbled.  I smiled at him before pulling him towards my chest for a hug.

"I won't leave you, Phthonus." I whispered.  My eyes closed themselves as I tried to fall asleep ing vs again.  They opened when Phthonus pushed me away and sat up.  I watched as he stretched his arms.

"We have to get up," he looked at me, "We're going shopping."

My eyelids snapped open in shock.  I started to hyperventilate.  Was I going to be forced to kill again?  I didn't want to kill!  I don't want to kill..!  Don't make me hurt others, Phthonus..!  Please...  Don't...

"You're not going to kill anyone today, Izuku," Phthonus's gaze turned cold, "But you're going to have to get used to it.  So stop being a crybaby."

I started to calm down and relax.  Phthonus stood up.

"We have to get you some new clothes.  You're stretching mine."

I looked down at the white t-shirt that I was wearing.  It stretched across my abbs, causing them to be slightly visible.   I hadn't noticed how tight it felt on me.  My muscles were forming faster than I thought they were. 

Phthonus threw a black jacket at me.  It was larger than the other one.

"That's Ejiro's jacket.  Don't get it dirty," Phthonus said.  I nodded and got out of bed. 

Once we both finished getting ready, we headed out of the mansion and went to the shopping mall.  We had to walk farther then before, because the mall we went to before had been closed down.  Once we reached our destination, Phthonus lead me to a popular clothing shop called 'R.C.M.'

"Think Black Jacket'll appear again?" A young male asked.

"Dunno.  If he did, I'd ask him to kill me like he did those 200 or somethin' people.  I don't wanna deal with taxes anymore," Another man replied.

200..? I hung my head down in guilt.  I killed more than 200 people?  So many...  I killed so many...  I'm definitely really not a hero...  Am I..?  A hero waves others lives.  A hero would put his life in peril to save others...  A hero would never kill others.  A hero would never even try to do that..!  A hero...  A hero always saves everyone they can!  I'm not a hero...  Not anymore.  I don't even deserve to be called one.  Deku no longer belongs to the hero-ing world.

"Same, broskie.  I'm tired of havin' to work," The first man commented.  They both walked passed me and Phthonus and continued their conversation.  Phthonus ignored the men and continued to pick out clothes.

"Hey," Phthonus tried to grab my attention, "What about this one?  I saw you wear something like this on TV once."

Phthonus looked at me when I didn't reply, "Izuku?" He tilted his head.

"Huh..?  Oh..!" I accidentally shouted.  I blushed and glanced around myself to see that no one was looking my way.  I then looked at Phthonus , who was holding a shirt that said 'shirt' in katakana.

"It'll work," I said.  Phthonus nodded and put it in our cart.

We left the store with a couple of bags full of clothes and started to walk home.  Phthonus took my hand in his as we walked back to the mansion.  During the walk, my thoughts bombarded my mind.

I hate being a villain.  I hate having to kill people to fulfil Phthonus's wish to become number one.  I hate Phthonus for making me do that.  For making me kill all of those people.  I don't want to do it anymore.  The guilt of makes me feel...  All of the people that I killed had family.  Sisters, brother, lovers mothers, fathers, aunts and uncles...  They must be devastated...  To loose family...  It was hard for me and mom to deal with my father's death...  But for others...  I don't know how many people could take the pain of losing someone close to you...  Not everyone can find someone to help them through, like mom did with All Might.  And I hurt all of those familys by killing people they loved.  The burden was on me.  I hurt all of those people.  Me.

I hate myself.

"Ah!" Someone bumped into me, causing me to loose my train of thought.

"I'm so sorry!  I wasn't watching were I was going!" A slightly-high-pitched voice exclaimed.  I looked at her.  she had light brown hair that was cut to her shoulders and curled at.The end.  Her bangs reached to above her eyebrows, giving her slightly-chubby face a more childish look.  Her round eyes, which were slightly wet, matched the color of hazelnut trees.

"U-," Phthonus tightened his hold on my hand as he glanced at me with a warning look.  I understood.  He didn't want me to speak to someone who knew my voice.  Uraraka watched me awkwardly as I leaned into Phthonus and whispered in his ear.

"Can you tell her not to worry?" I asked.  Phthonus nodded in consent and repeated what I said.

"Inai wanted me to tell you not to worry about it.  He can't talk loudly because something in his voice box is broken, " Phthonus explained. 

Uraraka nodded as she smiled, "Oh..!  Have you heard of the large memorial people are doing in Saitama?"

Phthonus shook his head and let.out a sigh, already board with the conversation.  But, he knew that I would be happier if I had a talk with my old friend.  Even if I didn't speak.

"A lot of people are gathering to remember Deku, a former hero who was killed by a villain.  We know that it's only been half of a year since he died but-," her smile dropped, " we all love him so much... "

I was taken aback.  Half a year?  I was gone for half a year?

"Do you...  Think that you could come..?  To show support..?  I mean, it's okay if you don't want to..!" Uraraka frantically saved her hands around.  Phthonus didn't respond for a while, but when he did, he responded with a nod.

"We'll come."

Uraraka sighed in relief, "Thank you!  Really!"

Phthonus smiled at her before pulling me along.  I leaned into Uraraka when Phthonus pulled me by her.

"Everything will be alright, Uraraka, I promise," I smiled at her as her round eyes widened.  She turned around to try and see us once again, to try and confirm if the voice she heard was really the voice of her old friend, but we had already disappeared around the corner, and when she looked, she couldn't find a single trace of us.

"Deku..?" Uraraka mumbled aloud.  I was the only one that heard her.