Are You Crying, Too?

Save Me

My mind was in hysterics.  It went from one thought to another within a second.  But they all had a base in which most of the thoughts centered.  

I'm a monster.  A murderer.  I don't deserve to live.

That was all my mind could think about.  It didn't bother to observe what was going on around me.  Because of that, I had no recollection of what had happened since the incident.  It was all blank.  I knew that I was constantly muttering my thoughts aloud, which only dove them deeper into my head.  It was impossible to escape from those thoughts.  They chased me down the streets of Japan, across the oceans of the world.  I had nowhere to hide.  They always caught up to me and tormented me, hell bent on breaking my soul.  Then they would let me go and make think that I was free.  But they were merciless.  They would never let me leave their burning grasp.  If I struggled, they would tighten their grip.  If I gave up, they would repeat those torturous words in my head.  My thoughts would repeat 'monster, monster, monster' until their voice would become silenced by my own scream.

"Make it stop!  Make the voices stop!  Please..." I gripped my hair tightly.  Through the haze of my mind, I could feel tears flow down my face.  I knew in the back of my head that my eyes were swollen and puffy, and that my hair was all over the place due to my hands gripping it so tightly.  I could tell that I looked horrible.  Beyond horrible, even.

"I'm a monster..." I muttered, "A monster... "

There was no turning back from what I did.  I killed so, so many people.  I didn't want to do it.  I didn't want to!  Why can't I just turn back time and make everything better?  I just have to find- to find someone with a time-traveling quirk!  That's it!  And then-...  No...  It doesn't matter if time gets turned around...  I still killed them...  I killed innocents.  I don't deserve to live.  I don't deserve to be happy.  I deserve to die.

"Where did Stockholm syndrome go?" Someone asked.  He opened the closet that I was hiding in and found me.  He then pulled me out of the small space and made me stand up.  I fell to my knees.  All of energy was gone.  It had been spent on tears.  

"Get up!" Kira grunted in frustration.  I sat there, motionless.  He tried to pull me with his arm, but he only ended up making me topple over.  He stared at my shaking form, exasperated.  My eyes found their way to his.

"I'm a monster!  Monster!" My face scrunched up and my arms curled themselves together.  Even more tears flowed from my eyes.  Kira looked at me in pure disgust.

"This is what Phthonus had so much pride for? I'm more worthy of his attention then you, trash."  He slightly flipped his brown hair as he turned away from me.  His footsteps seem to echo around the room as he left.  I looked at the door hopelessly.  I could escape.  I could escape right now.  But I don't have any energy left in my body to move.

'Deku!  Get your sorry ass up!' I slightly jumped as an angry voice filled my head.  My tree-green eyes glazed over as I left earth to enter the realm of thoughts in my head.  Who was the person that spoke?  It sounded like Bakugou.  Could it be him?

'Fucking nerd.  Deku...' I uncurled my arms to try and reach the voice.  They found nothing but air.  Who are you?  Why is your voice echoing inside my head?

'Who the fuck gave you the right to call me 'Kachan!?'' 'Kachan?' Is that...  What I called you?  'Kachan?'

"Kachan..." The name felt familiar on my tongue, "Kachan..." I looked at the palm of my hand before clenching my hand shut to form a fist.  Is that...  A nickname I gave you?  Were we friends?  But...  If we were friends, why would not want me to give you a nickname?  Kachan...  My thoughts from before were overcome by new ones.  I forgot about them...  Temporarily.
Kachan...  I thought back to my side days in school.  There were a total of 20 students.  I could recall all of them but one.  That lead me to believe that he was an old classmate of mine, now a hero, which also lead me to believe that 'Kachan' was Bakugou.  He looked around my age...
I then remembered what Phthonus said a couple days ago.  He said that Izaya told Bakugou about our location, and that we had to move.  Was Bakugou searching for me?

"Izuku?" A soft voice called.  I looked at the open door to see Phthonus standing there, staring at me with a disappointed look in his eyes.

"You're going to have to do a lot more then you did before.  So try to stop feeling guilt," Phthonus's gaze seemed to become more stern.

"Do I need to order you to stop feeling guilt?" I slowly sat up and supported myself with my arms.  I looked at Phthonus and put a wobbly smile on my face.  I closed my eyes to hide the emotions that encompassed them.

"Theirs no need, Phthonus.  I'll be fine soon," My smile almost broke.  Phthonus's gaze softened as he walked towards me.  He crouched down to my shaky form to hug me.

"I was gonna train you today...  But I guess training can wait," Phthonus whispered in my ear.  He then pulled back from the hug to kiss me.

"Come on.  I'll help you get washed," He pulled me up and let me lean on him while he walked me to the washroom.  All I could think about was 'Kachan' while Phthonus undressed and bathed me.  I wanted to know more about Kachan.  All I knew was that his last name was Bakugou and that he was a hero.  I also new what he looked like from behind.  

I tried to remember more about Kachan, but my memories were blocked.  Phthonus's order made any memory of him from before the order disappear.  So, my mind drew a blank when I thought about Kachan.  Just who are you..?  Kachan...  What was our story together?  If you're the one I fell in love with...  Why did I love you?

Kachan...  Kachan...  If you're trying to save me...  Please, do it quickly.  I don't want to hurt anyone else.