Miss You Already - SwanQueen

Part 17

~ Regina PoV~

What is Emma's mother doing here? That can't be good. This woman never takes a schedule out her diary to pay a visit so there's clearly something she wants out of this.

"Is everything okay down there... poor thing" she pities after hearing about my little fall from other members within the office.

"Yeah, I had some problems" I shrug. "But I hope all is okay now" I smile faintly but truthfully it was the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. I thought that maybe my baby would have problems, it would cause complications to birth or worse... maybe I had lost the baby. But non of that is the case, so far so good.

"Oh, sorry. Does emma know?" She questions. "She won't talk to me, everything I do is wrong" she huffs but this is always the case with Emma. When she is in the wrong, she takes it out on everyone rather than apologising.

"Well that's just the way she is"

"Perhaps she's punishing me for not being the kind of mother she needed" she huffs. "Feel free to contradict me" she chuckles but deep behind that smile I see her pain. "I wasn't really there, was I? Flying around the world, never at home. Two husbands. Different boyfriends. Selfish" she describes her past.

"You had an exciting career" I shrug to reason with her but still she feels low of herself for not being around Emma as mush as she should have. Emma never had a problem then, she was an independent and adventurous teenager anyway.

"Yes"

Miranda flashes me a warm smile and instantly my heart drops into my gut. I know why she's here. She wasn't there for Emma all these years and I was. However, I am not of this moment in time and that's why she's here.

"I can't have drama in my life right now, and Emma is drama" I explain with a stern voice as though I've made up my mind. My baby comes first and if that means no stress to maintain the health for my precious child then that means no Emma.

"Please regina." She begs. "Help her sort everything out. I know she's drama, but she's our Emma!" And that she is. Miranda is correct. Emma isn't Emma without drama but I will forgive her some day, just not now.

And there's that. I kept my ground though. I said to Miranda that she is doing just fine with Emma. Emma could do with some family time away from me. And I could do with time away from Emma while I struggle through this final month of pregnancy alone while Robin is on the oil rig. Just one month and I can face her.

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~ Emma PoV~

I feel weak. I feel broken. I feel guilty for pushing Regina away at a time I need her most. I admit, from the bottom of my heart I am deeply in love with her. I'm jealous that we didn't create that adorable baby she is carrying. But biologically it's impossible. I just wonder if I acted quicker on my feelings, would she still be with Robin? This baby is the only thing keeping her with him. I feel guilty for putting her in this position, the awkward tension she faces everyday knowing she has feelings for me and her boyfriend. I feel guilty for ending my family and marriage with Killian but I do not love him anymore. I feel guilty for having this cancer and relying on people too much. But I need them. They keep me alive.

"So, doctor" I grin; sitting down on the chair on the other side of his desk. "Can you give me some nice drugs for these annoying headaches?" I ask with any eye-roll.

"Emma..."

There's those eyes. The watery glossy eyes that hold so much truth. The same set of eyes boring down deep into the bottom of my empty heart. Those eyes staring at me which carry so much... pity.

"Don't give me that look."  I shake my head anxious of what I'm supposed to know. Do I really want to know? Probably not. But I need to for the sake of my children. "I know that look"

"The results of your MRI have confirmed our worst fears. I'm terribly sorry." He sypathetically holds eye contact while I break down. Hysterically crying in front of him. Slamming my fists forcefully down into his desk and throwing whatever biology books he has laying on his desk at the closest wall.

Nobody knows what this feels like. Tearing a family apart. Losing someone you love most. Having to say goodbye. I will not ever say goodbye. Only see you later. Because there will be a time I will see you again.

"The cancer has spread to your brain, and rests viciously right behind your eyes, which cause your headaches. It's no longer treatable"

"How long?" I ask the doctor once I find the strength within me to know how long I have left on this evil world. God is doing me a favour by taking me somewhere better. A one way ticket I wouldn't trade for anything.

So the doctor tells me everything I need to know, and I walk out that office with my head held high, like I haven't received any life threatening news. I go home, explain to my mother and Killian. The kids will have to wait until closer to the end. The end that will only be a break. I admit: the more time I spend on this awful world, I cannot wait for my new beginning. Just after I tell one more person. If ever she will listen to me.