All Time Slash - Fireworks. (Jalex FanFic)

Chapter 15

Four a.m, and it was pitch black outside Alex’s bedroom window.

The sky was clouded over, the morning stars disguised, and the moon was nowhere to be seen. Not a single shed of light seeped through the English boy’s blinds.

Jack was panting as he sat up straight, beads of sweat dripping from his brow. Alex’s tousled hair was against his chest, Alex’s mouth forming a pool of drool against his stomach. He didn’t think he’d be able to understand how on earth that position was comfortable, but then again, he knew that Alex could sleep through practically anything.

Wiping his forehead with the back of his hand, he tried to catch his breath. He thought that maybe for one bloody night, the nightmares would stop, but they’d only managed to get worse.

Now Jack had new fears eating away at him, and his mind had more power, he was torturing himself inside.

Jack’s hand gently massaged a spot on Alex’s shoulder as he began to convince himself, “It wasn’t real, Jack. It’s never real.” But it felt like reality, more than any other nightmare had done before. Usually, there was always something that Jack could be certain was fake. Usually they were dreams of his dad, and he knew perfectly well that his dad was never coming back, it was impossible. Not this one though, this revolved around Alex.

They were together, hand in hand, just walking. They didn’t know where they were going, they didn’t care. But Jack knew something was wrong, the way Alex was acting, it was different. Alex seemed paranoid, his palm was sweating, and he didn’t lift his chin once.

“What’s wrong, Alex?” Jack remembered asking, and Alex just shrugged his shoulders, “Nothing.” Hiding his emotions as Jack was used to.

And they continued, just walking.

But then Alex stopped.

“I don’t think I can do this, Jack.” He murmured, “I’m sorry.”

Jack felt the older boy’s fingers slip away from his own, and his heart sank into his chest. “What are you on about?” Was all he could choke out.

“Us.” Alex spoke calmly as his arms folded across his chest, his eyes pointed to the concrete floor.

“What’s wrong with us?”

“It’s you.”

Jack’s teeth sunk into his bottom lip, and he could taste blood in his mouth, he could taste the fucking blood.

Alex hesitated to speak at first, but as the sentences formed in his mind, once he started, he couldn’t stop. The word vomit spewed, and spewed.

“I thought you were everything I wanted, but you’re not. I can’t deal with you crying on my shoulder, pouring your fucking heart out, you’re pathetic. All that shit about your dad, all you’re looking for is fucking attention, you want sympathy so fucking bad, you’ll do anything to get it. I’ve figured you out, Jack. You’re a mess, and I don’t want you, not anymore. I was foolish to ever think we could have been something.”

But what hurt the most, was Alex started to smile. He seemed to enjoy watching Jack break down before his very eyes, as if he was finally earning payback.

“How dare you fucking cry over your dad when you knew too well he was going to die. You had the fucking chance to see him in his last days; I didn’t have a clue about Daniel. I never knew anything about how he felt, because he never told me. I didn’t have the chance to make things better, because I was never given it. So how dare you cry on my shoulder, telling me about how it was your fault, you know it fucking wasn’t. I never cried for Daniel, and he was taken by surprise, so fucking get yourself together. I don’t want to hear your shit anymore, and I doubt anybody else does. I can’t even stand to look at you.” Alex’s fingernails were digging into his palms as his voice lowered, “I’m just praying that when you go home, when you find that rusty razorblade in the drawer, you cut too fucking deep.”