Memories of an Old Friend | ✓

06 | say yes, say no

06 | say yes, say no

Your friend, Evan, was the second guy who had put his attention on me. The spotlight I was craving, was on its highest and I loved it. It made me feel special for the first time in my life. I felt like someone put me on this high pedestal, and unfortunately, it only went higher and higher. How did I forget that the higher up I go, the harder the fall is?

Evan was outgoing and funny. A tad bit on the short side maybe, but it didn't matter much. He was still popular, and I had never expected him to do the funniest thing ever; ask me to the winter formal.

Me! Of all the beautiful girls at my school, he chose me! Me!

I was skeptical, of course. Was this some sort of prank? A joke? A bet? It's always something fishy when boys take an interest in me. After all, no one truly meant it. It was either for fun or because they suck.

Bianca had stopped talking to me. This is about to sound weird, but we hang out every day at school, but we never talked. We'd say hi and that was it. I don't understand why she won't speak to me. Isn't it I, who should be mad here? I shouldn't cling onto her anymore, but I'm still there. We're not even friends.

I cried more than I laughed.

One day, you tried to persuade me into saying yes to Evan's promposal. I have to admit, a small part of me did want to say yes, but I couldn't. I didn't like Evan. Why go to the winter formal with a boy I didn't know or like?

"Go to prom with him," you said.

"I . . . I don't know."

And then I noticed that you were walking dangerously closer and that made me scared. Not for myself, but for you. Because you were together with Anette. Why were you behaving like this?

Your friends were watching on the side. Evan wasn't there.

"Go to prom with him."

"I need my personal space, please," I laughed nervously. On the inside, I was torn between slapping you or just running away. I did neither because even though I thought about it, I didn't do it. I wouldn't resort to physical violence.

You walked backward first, amused. I wasn't. Should I have told Anette about it? Doesn't she need to know what her boyfriend is capable of?

There was no doubt that you had some effect on me. I wasn't so attracted to you, then. Yes, you were unbelievable handsome, no denial, but you had some kind of spell on me. I thought you as one of my best friends.

When all came to it all, I decided not to tell Anette about your actions. I regret that now. Why am I a horrible friend to someone who has only been kind to me? Why did you let me be a horrible friend?

Anette was nice. Well, except those time when she took your side even though I was right. She said she was in love with you and that's why she was taking your side.

And I get it. Love blinds. But that's only temporary.

You had some kind of effect on me because, on the day of the winter formal, I said yes to Evan. I knew that there was something fishy about his proposal, but I didn't believe he was a shitty human being. Not everyone can be, even though almost every boy I have encountered to this point is. And he seemed genuine enough.

I was naive for believing that.

So we went to the winter formal together.

There should exist a return button, so I could undo this. To make my past-self understand that I'm about to do something horrible that will only add up to my misery. Why couldn't I say no to him? I want—no, I need that return button.

I shouldn't have let my past-self ruin everything. But of course, no such return button exists.

Yours truly.