Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
I hated myself. Why not me? What was wrong with me? Why Bianca?
Was it the acne? My skin color? My glasses? My clothes? My nose?
I do not understand.
Admittedly, all this self-denigration was mostly how I became so self-conscious as I was. I really was not the girl I used to be anymore. I hated myself for the way I was on the outside and the way I was on the inside.
I was a living, walking fake.
It had always been a mutual agreement with myself. A promise to never become a fraud, yet here we are. I broke that promise to myself.
I literally betrayed myself.
After all the changes I did to myself, wasn't I pretty enough?
I looked more and more in the mirror nowadays and I hated what I was seeing. Too big nose. Too much acne. Pimples everywhere. Oh god, is this what people had been looking at? Is this what I had the audacity to show everyone?
People around me know that I was average in looks. Nothing was wrong with me. No really. I just loved tearing apart my self conscious until it was only a few shredded pieces.
Why not me?????? Oh my god, why not me?
And why did you have to feed me lies that made me believe I was worthless in the first place? Don't you remember?
"You've got monobrows and hair on your legs and that's really nasty. Boys don't really like girls with hair all over themselves."
"But it's because I've got darker skin tone that it shows, and I've also got dark brown hair. I really can't help it. You're white and that's why you can't see the hair on your legs."
"I'm a boy, anyways and skin color or hair color has nothing to do with that."
What logic is that? You're kind of an idiot.
So I became the girl with the tweezed brows and shaved hair off my legs. I didn't really like it, but I grew accustomed to it, so I guess this meant I had to keep going on like this for the rest of my life.
To tweak and tweak and tweak at the smallest of mistakes.
Because, you know, that's what boys like.
Yours truly.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
