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I never wanted to have these feelings for you. I didn't want them.
So I suppressed them like I suppressed everything bad happening in my life and "continued" to like Phelix as if you didn't exist in the back of my mind.
It worked for a while and I managed to fool myself.
Do you want to hang out on Saturday?
I had finally gotten the guts to send Phelix a message after half an hour debate with Annette if I should or not. I'm kind of happy that I did because now I know what kind of person my temporary knight in shining armor really was. And it's simple. He's a coward.
Sure. But I'm going to exercise that day so if you want to, then you can come and watch?
I was smiling from ear to ear. My life felt complete. Kind of. It wasn't the best, but I was okay with that. Phelix was great.
That works! :)
It was unbelievable. He wanted to spend time with me! At least it was something. For once, the person I like is a genuine person who just doesn't happen to be a complete asshole. And that was enough for me.
I was wrong.
I know I deserve more than a "not a complete asshole". God, is this what I had sunken myself too? Someone that isn't a "complete asshole"?
Do you remember that message you sent me right after my conversation with Phelix?
Don't bother Phelix. He doesn't want to be with you. He's just too nice to say no.
And reality came crashing down like a tidal wave.
Excuse me? How do you know?
You sent me a picture of Phelix on his phone and wrote, I'm with him right now. He said so.
I guess I was not meant to be happy. So I just sat there. Humiliated, heartbroken and lonely.
As lame as it sounds, life felt a bit like color again because of Phelix. But now it was gray just like it had been before he entered my life. At least with him there, I could see some difference.
I wanted to cry, I really did.
He might be a coward, but you're an asshole.
And of course, it was just written in my book that I could only fall for the assholes.
Yours truly.
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