Secrets our hearts hide

4

[Regina's memory: one week ago, Thursday 1pm]

I'm sat in the doctors office. Waiting nervously as to what she might say. My hands are placed security around my stomach and my eyes are trying so hard not to leak.

"Regina mills" the assistant called out getting my attention.

I stood up and walked towards her. She lead me to the office the doctor was in. She was stood by the computer typing. I closed the door which got her attention.

"Awe Regina. Take a seat" the French woman said with a smile at me.

"Thanks" I say as I sat on the hospital bed still really nervous. 

"So I got your test results back" she said looking at her computer.

"And" I worriedly asked.

The doctor looked round at me and wasn't very happy. My hand started shaking and I was scared what she'd tell me.

"Your not pregnant. I'm sorry Regina" she said softly as she looked sorry for me.

"Oh... my husband won't like that. He was excited" I say looking down disappointed but trying to hide it.

"That's not the worst Regina. I hate this part but I'm afraid you can't ever get pregnant" she softly said placing her hand on my shoulder.

"I can't?" I asked looking shocked at her.

Tears started slipping out my eyes. I sat and sobbed on the hospital bed. Having children was the one thing that made me feel hope. I thought if I had a baby I'd never be alone.

"I'm so sorry Regina. Nowadays there are so many different ways someone like you and your husband can have children" the doctor said rubbing my back to sooth me.

"I have to go. Thank you doctor" I say as I stood up quickly.

"Regina do you have anyone you can talk to about this" she asked concerned now.

"I don't know" I replied knowing my husband won't be happy.

I left the doctors office and quickly out the building. I went to my car and drove home. The whole way I was thinking about it. I can't believe I can't have child. I was crying the whole drive. Not sobbing but crying softly. I'm just sat in my car now. Dreading to get out but I did. I walked to my front door and unlocked it.

"Josh? You home" I call out looking around the hall.

"Here Gina" he says walking out of the kitchen with a smile. I knew I had mascara down my face from crying. Josh saw and looked confused. "What's wrong? Your not pregnant are you" he asked looking half disappointed half annoyed.

"No I'm not. I can't get pregnant... ever" I replied trying so hard not to cry but let out a tear or two fall.

"You can't?" He asked shocked. Josh stepped back and looked slightly annoyed. "You can't give me a child"

"I'm sorry. I really wanted a baby but we can do lots of different things. We can adopt" I suggest before being cut off.

"No! It's not the same" he said quickly while annoyed. I stepped closer but he looked angry. "I wanted my own baby. How can we have a child if you can't get pregnant"

"I didn't choose it! I want a baby as well" I snapped annoyed he just said that.

"Well Regina it is probably because your snobby and stuck up that your body rejected having kids" he growled looking angry at me.

My mouth dropped like a sack of potatoes. My eyes filled with tears so much it stung. I lifted my hand up and slapped him around his face. Leaving a red print on his cheek.

"How dare you?! I'm not snobby! This is not my fault" I shout full of anger.

"It is!"

We argued for ages. Blaming different things and blaming nothing. I was a mess. I was crying from what he has said and what I knew. As the fight started to calm down we had said things that were awful. Well mostly him. I looked Josh in the eyes and let tears slowly slip out.

"Do you still love me" I asked softly fearing the answer.

Josh was looking at me. He looked down at my stomach then back up at me. Josh simply shook his head.

"No. I can't love a woman who can't give me a family" he replied softly looking like he doesn't have feelings. I couldn't help but start crying more. I looked down and felt like I was going to throw up. "I want a divorce" he added quietly.

"Just get out my house" I asked knowing if I look at him I'll slap him.

Josh walked around me and left the house. I rested against the door and slid down it. My knees pressed against my chest and my head resting on them. I was crying like a baby on the floor. I lost my chance at a family. Even a small one.