Touched By You

"Sober up, Camila."

Camila's eyes locked with one another in the mirror and she wondered when she'd allowed herself to...wither. Behind her own eyes she saw nothing, not an inkling of an emotion and she hated it. She hated how empty she felt and she hated that she blamed herself.

She was out to dinner with Vero and she felt the creeping of a panic attack stir within her and she made a quick retreat to the bathroom but what now? She was looking at herself in the mirror and no longer recognising the person before her. The person in front of her was pale with red-rimmed eyes and bags beneath them that spoke of sleepless nights. No longer did her mind rest but instead it was bleeding with wild thoughts of what her wife was doing, if she missed her, if they'd be okay after this.

Dinah had suggested Camila stay with her for a while but the Cuban couldn't leave their space. She couldn't bare the thought of moving Leo away from a home that had the scent of both her and Lauren. So the brunette chose to stay and in doing so, she chose to let her heart ache with longing for a woman that hadn't been home in weeks.

Lauren was travelling around the states, she was making headlines and gaining more followers than either of them had imagined she would. And through it all...Camila felt forgotten.

Lauren messaged her, checking in and letting her know she was safe but aside from that, it was radio silence between the two. They were at odds in an unfamiliar way with one another. They weren't ignoring each other so much as giving one another space.

Camila wondered if space was what she really needed or if she just needed her wife to stay home for a week and reassure her of the love they shared.

"Hey," The singer hadn't even heard her friend enter the bathroom until Vero was standing right beside her with concerned eyes and a hand covering her own. "We can get out of here, order in Chinese and...watch trashy movies...if you want?"

With eager nods and a tear slipping down her cheek Camila agreed. "That might be a good idea."

She turned away from the mirror and looked to the woman who had lost her person and still managed to act as a rock for her. Camila wondered what she would be like if it had been Lauren...if Lauren were gone with no hope of returning. She knew she would be in a worse state than Vero, she didn't think she would be able to function. She never wanted to live in a world where Lauren didn't exist anymore.

The pair made their way to Camila's penthouse and managed to snuggle under the covers, Leo being sure to lay his head on Camila's feet to keep them warm. They put a film on but Camila couldn't concentrate on it, now when Leo was releasing small whines while he slept. He'd been doing it ever since Lauren started leaving for extended times.

"He's vocal." Vero commented.

"He misses her." The younger girl leaned down to scratch the dog's head lovingly. "She was always his favourite."

"You want to talk about it?"

"No," Camila shook her head slowly. "Not tonight."

"Well then," Vero surprised both the Cuban and Leo by standing abruptly. "We need to drink. We need music and we need vodka and we need a night where we feel like our lives haven't taken a turn for the worst."

And although Camila wanted to protest this idea, although she knew alcohol wouldn't lessen her longing, she wanted what Vero wanted. She wanted oblivion...for just a moment.

Vero found a bottle Camila had received for her twenty-first birthday, one she knew her father had splurged some money on, and she popped it open for the first time. The older girl took a hearty swig while Camila forced a smile onto her lips and turned the stereo on. And within minutes the apartment was alive with music, with feet hitting the floor with no pattern whatsoever and with little giggles from each girl.

Leo watched on with amazed eyes and every now and then Camila had him dancing on his back legs with her. For the first time in a long time...the apartment felt alive.

And the more she drank the more the colours swirled. And the colours grew a taste, as if the air itself had become sweeter somehow. Camila felt light and she caught the beaming smile of Vero and she knew the other girl felt the same.

They were having fun.

For the very first time in a long time...Camila was having fun.

And that could be why she didn't notice Leo running to the door, or why she didn't hear the door open...but she definitely caught it when Lauren's bags dropped to the floor and the green-eyed girl took in what she was seeing.

Camila's hands were locked with Vero's and they had stopped their spinning to find Lauren eyeing them with growing betrayal in her eyes. And they both knew the scenario her mind was forming and they both knew it was wrong but it was like their voices were still trying to catch up with their thoughts.

"Oh." Was all Lauren said before she went to pick up her bag again with every intention of rushing off...anywhere...away from this.

"Laur-Lauren!" Camila was off balance as she followed behind the retreating girl and she hated how the walls felt like they were literally closing in on her. "L-Lauren!"

But it felt like no matter how fast Camila was walking to catch up, Lauren was running faster. Camila was swaying from side to side as she walked and Lauren was balanced so she could move quicker...more precisely.

And then Lauren stopped, rubbing a hand over her face just as Camila came to a stop behind her. And the younger girl wanted to reach out to her, clearly, troubled wife but her hands remained at her side and the raven-haired girl refused to turn around because she feared what she'd see in those shining brown eyes.

Because the last thing she expected to find was Camila drunk in Vero's hands. And yes, she's aware that there was innocence in that, but she thought Camila would miss her. That Camila would feel their distance the same way she did. She almost hoped to find the younger girl as broken as she felt. It would prove to her that they were still those two people that needed one another.

"We-I-you have to believe me." Camila rambled, her sentence incoherent because her thoughts could not form properly.

"Sober up, Camila." Lauren shook her head before taking a step towards the elevator again.

"No, stop!" The brunette reached out and pulled her wife back. "We were just dancing."

"You're drunk," Lauren scoffed, finally turning to Camila. "I'm here because I want to talk to you and I want us to be okay...and you're drunk and dancing around with Vero without a care in the world."

"That's what you think? Are you kidding me?"

"Prove me fucking wrong, Camila," The older girl ripped her arm from her wife's hold. "Walk in a straight line." She gestured to the small walk between them and the elevator.

"I-"

"You can't," Lauren rolled her eyes. "I know. I can't fucking believe this."

"You're so wrong and you don't even know it." Camila sneered, her eyes now ablaze with anger. "Go on then, Lauren, keep walking, I guess. You clearly don't even know me."

Their eyes held each other for a few more moments, each daring the other to retort but with their hearts pleading with them to reconcile.

Lauren was the first to break eye contact and in doing so, effectively breaking Camila's heart. She reached down for her bag and made her way over to the elevator, leaning onto the side once inside and dropping her head.

The doors closed between them and where before their distance was counted in miles...now it felt like oceans separated them. And neither one knew how to get to the other.