The Halo Effect | ✓

12 | devil

E P I G R A P H

❝It beats, it breaks, it loves, it aches.
For you, and only you❞

☾ twelve | devil ☽

Holt's POV

It's been a month. An entire month since the night I told Halo that I tried to kill myself and I haven't stopped thinking about it once. It's the only thing that consumes my fucking mind all day every day.

I feel pathetic for admitting such a sacred thing about myself.

I fucking hate feeling weak. I hate feeling vulnerable and depressed, something you'd think I'd be used to by now but I'm not. The only thing I hate more than feeling vulnerable is someone actually seeing me vulnerable.

When she told me about Zayden and why she's truly with him, I couldn't help the happiness that flooded me. I finally felt like maybe, just maybe I have a chance with the beautiful Halo Storm, but I was wrong because that can never happen because of my dead brother.

I just wish he didn't choose Halo of all people to be his girlfriend, but he did and it fucking sucks because if he hadn't of chosen her, I would've made her mine immediately but Everest gets what Everest wants, always.

I get why he chose her because she's different. Out of every single girl in this town and beyond that, she's the only one who stands out. Everyone else is the same here, except her.

The moment she put her tiny hand on top of mine, I felt whole suddenly. The small gesture was enough to merge all my millions of broken pieces back together. I was mended back together, every single part of my fucked up self wasn't so fucked up anymore, solely because of the simple touch of an angel.

She said I mattered to her. She said she cared about me.

No one has ever said that they care for me. Not momma or dad. Not Everest, not even the hundreds of girls I've fucked and I know I put up those walls that make it seem like I don't give a shit but regardless of my gender and what I've been through, I still feel pain and I still hurt.

And Halo saying she cared made the hurt stop.

I sound fucking whipped, because I am. I want her so bad.

So bad that listening to her sit there and give me sympathy all because I attempted to kill myself, made me want to do it all again because I know she doesn't care.

If she does care then it's because she feels sorry for me, or she feels like she has too all because I am the twin of her ex-boyfriend.

"Holt, dinners ready!" I heard Ace's loud ass voice.

I groaned, pulling myself off my bed before opening the door and trotting down the steps, almost slipping off the last step as my sock didn't grab the tiled step too well.

I walked through the entrance area and straight to the dining room, immediately spotting my dad on one end and my mother or the opposing end then Ace in the middle. I groaned internally before sitting directly across from Ace.

Mom had placed a bowl of pasta and chicken in front of everyone, a copper knife on one side and a napkin on the other, extremely posh and unnecessary but she does this every single night, unless she is working.

I don't know why she bothers with dinner because all she does the whole meal is stare at the empty seat that my brother once occupied.

"Who's saying grace tonight?" my mother asked, her eyes immediately diverting to me.