The Halo Effect | ✓

43 | blackness

E P I G R A P H

❝I always feared loving you because I knew that with love comes loss, I just didn't know I'd lose you so soon.❞

☾forty three | blackness☽

Holt once told me about this so called experiment which was taken place long ago where people were placed under a dripping tap, blind-folded and had to remain like that for days, it drove them insane, I am not sure how he knows about such a torturous thing, but the point, this is how I feel now.

I have been in this awfully bright and white waiting room for hours, tapping my leg restlessly as I listen to the occasional voice over the intercom or the childish voices heard on the small television, I was going absolutely insane.

I was trying to be respectful of the nurses and doctors who were trying their best to do their jobs, but I just needed to see him.

Ace and Esme were on either side of me, consoling me as I sobbed hysterically. Mason was here too and he was in shock, I don't think I have seen him blink or heard him speak since arriving here. My brain was on a complete overload as it fought between being angry and being sad, but most of all, I was disappointed.

This day two years ago, I lost my boyfriend and now two years later, I lost my love. Well, hopefully, fate is on my side this once and he stays because that boy has so much passion and life to live, I would never forgive myself if that were all taken away from him all because I got emotional and tried to run across the road. 

Unlike when Everest died, the people who hit Holt have been taken down to the police station, and depending on whether Holt wakes up or not, they will find out their punishment soon. Though, I applaud them for taking responsibility rather than bolting from the scene.

"Halo, everything will be okay." Esme's soothing voice reassured me as she rubbed my back.

I nodded, gulping dryly. I was unable to speak, I felt as though I had lost every normal ability. I could not eat, I couldn't drink nor speak, I felt as though the life was sucked out of me the moment that that car collided with Holt's body and now, I am left with the shell of the person whom I was several hours ago.

The person that I was beneath Holt's body as he thrusted into me. The person that I was as he kissed every crevasse of my body. The person I was when he held me as though I was as delicate as a daisy.

That was just hours ago and now I am in the hospital in shreds whilst I wait for news about my boyfriend.

This is my fault. All my fault.

If I had not pried into his journal, none of this would've happened. If I hadn't run off without giving him a chance, none of this would've happened. If I hadn't fought with him, none of this would've happened.

None of this would've happened if it weren't for me. It's always me messing things up. I was the reason Everest crossed that road just two years ago, I was the reason Holt did it three hours ago. It's always me. Why? Because I am dramatic and when I get hurt, I topple everything over around me like a walking tornado. I don't breathe, I don't slow down because time speeds up and I physically cannot think properly.

Holt is a good person. I know he is and I hate that it took him getting injured for me to acknowledge that. He made a mistake as all humans do and I refused to listen or forgive him. 

Maybe I was a game at the beginning but Holt, he said so himself, he chose me because he thought that he would win me and I would choose him, but I chose Ever and Ever won me. Everest did some terrible things to me, the cheating. . .the assault inflicted by Xavier.