Tom Holland Blurbs

after [part three] (p.p.)

***ENDGAME SPOILERS***

Peter and I took comfort in each other after everything. After was such a weird thing to think about. Neither Peter or I had ever thought about having to exist in a world that didn't have Iron Man or Black Widow. Certainly not when we were only seventeen. I think it was more of an eventuality in our minds, like we would lose them when we were more ready or something. I had always thought of both Natasha and Tony as permanent and invincible. They were never going to not be there, they had already been through so much that should have killed them and they had come out okay every time. Nothing could happen. I told Peter that, one night when we both couldn't sleep because of the nightmares and he told me he had always thought the same thing. We both cried. We were always crying, it seemed like. 

Eventually, I started to piece myself back together, Peter was a huge help with that. I would never be able to thank him enough for how amazing he had been for me. It was only after I was able to function on a semi-normal level, going to school, sleeping through the night, eating regularly, all things that you don't even think about until grief turns your life upside down, that I noticed what Peter was doing. Peter was using me, May, Spider-Man, Morgan and anything or anyone else he could to not think about himself.

He didn't sleep, I always woke up to him holding me to his side tightly, like he was afraid I would disappear. He didn't eat, except when May or I harassed him about it or he was with Morgan and trying to get her to finish her dinner by cleaning his own plate to set an example. He was barely aware of anything, pushing himself until he would collapse from exhaustion. I often found him asleep in the weirdest places around my apartment and his own, sometimes sitting down leaned against the wall of the bathroom, a toothbrush hanging from his lips, sometimes sitting at the island in the kitchen, head propped up on his fist. One time I woke up alone in the middle of the night and I immediately got worried, thinking something had happened to Peter on patrol, as I opened my bedroom door to grab my phone I had forgotten in the living room, I nearly tripped over Peter's prone figure sleeping just outside my door in the hallway. 

Peter barely showed up to school and when he did he never stayed the whole day, everyone kind of giving him a pass because his grades were decent and the whole school was recovering from the return of all the dusted students. I was worried beyond belief, especially when Peter stopped asking me to come over at night to help him sleep as well as stopping coming over to my room. I barely saw him at all, and May said he was out all night most nights, assuming he was with me. I let her think that, not wanting her to worry until I figured out what the hell was going on. Then I got a call from Pepper early one morning.

"Y/N?" 

"Pepper? Is everything alright? Do you need me to watch Morgan?"

"Actually, Peter seems to have been taking care of that, I think you should come out to the house. I'll send a car, okay?"

"Um, okay? I'll see you soon," I said, confused. 

And that was how I ended up in an expensive car driven by artificial intelligence early on a Saturday morning. It pulled up to the spacious cabin that I hadn't been to since the funeral and I carefully climbed out, walking to the steps. Pepper emerged from the house, looking drawn and worried, but much better since the last time I had seen her. I walked quickly towards her, accepting her hug gratefully, noticing her over-sized cardigan smelled like Tony. My heart broke a little as the expensive cologne sent my mind into overdrive with different memories, I knew this must be Pepper's way of coping and I couldn't fault her for it, it had only been almost a year since everything happened and there was no time constraint on grief.

"What's so urgent I had to come all the way out here? Not that I'm complaining," I said, drawing back, "it's wonderful to see you."

"It's good to see you too, Y/N," Pepper said, smiling softly. "It would probably be easier if i just showed you."