Tom Holland Blurbs

empty (p.p.)

Peter called it the Empty. With a capital E. Because ever since he had come back from wherever Thanos had snapped half of the universe, he was consumed by the Empty feeling. It started in his toes and crept up until it settled in his stomach, stealing his appetite but somehow also making him feel constantly nauseous. Then it climbed up into his chest and settled like a leach, sucking all of his motivation away and trapping him in his bed. Then the Empty slithered its slimy way up into his brain and Peter completely disassociated. He didn't want to be there so he wasn't.

Mr. Stark had sacrificed himself.

Tony. Gone.

Dead.

Peter had yet to wrap his mind around the fact that he himself had died and then come back and yet he was expected to grieve over Tony's death in a normal way.

At first he had been angry beyond belief. How could Mr. Stark leave Morgan and Pepper and Rhodey and Happy? They were the most important people in his life! They loved Mr. Stark. How could he? Did he think they would just be okay? Peter felt hatred like he had never felt before, not even when he caught that man attacking a ten-year old girl in an alleyway, and all of it was directed towards Tony Stark.

Peter Benjamin Parker hated Anthony Edward Stark.

He hated that Tony had even thought to put that fail-safe protocol into his suit, the one that would turn his own hand into a gauntlet for the infinity stones. He hated the fact that it was actually totally in character for Tony to be so worried that something would go wrong that he planned to just do whatever ended up needing to done himself. He hated that Pepper had been the one to be strong for Tony when Peter should have been. Instead he had collapsed on the ground, sobbing like he was Morgan's age instead of an eighteen year-old. He hated that he was the only one who knew that Tony's heart hadn't actually stopped when F.R.I.D.A.Y. powered down the arc reactor. Instead, Peter lived with the sound of three secret beats of Tony Stark's heart, ones that only he and Tony knew about. Ones that he had barely heard because he had started screaming so loud that his throat felt like it was on fire. Which was another reason why Peter hated Tony, because Peter had ended up being carried off of the battlefield by Captain America even though he should have been able to walk by himself because he was uninjured, but his fucking legs were shaking so hard that he couldn't.

So, Peter Parker hated Tony Stark.

Except that he didn't. Except that he couldn't.

Because of the Empty.

Peter wanted to hate Tony. He really did. Honestly, Peter just wanted to feel something. Anything. He thought that hatred or anger would be easier to deal with than the all consuming pain and grief that he knew was waiting for him. But, the Empty stayed, and Peter had no idea how to get rid of it.

On the day of Tony's funeral, May almost had to dress Peter herself, which made her extra emotional because she had barely had a say in what he wore for years. She couldn't remember the last time she had to button up his shirt or tie his shoes for him. Peter barely registered that he was sitting up for the first time in days, blinking confusedly in the sunlight from the window where May had thrown open the curtains for the first time in five years.

It was a very somber ride out to the cabin where the funeral was taking place. Peter felt like he blinked and suddenly the car was stopped beside the lake and May was staring at him with concern, obviously expecting an answer to a question that he hadn't heard. Peter blinked owlishly, realizing he had actually lost time and that he truly didn't remember even getting in the car to come out here. He sucked in a harsh breath, trying to control the shaking of his hands as he collapsed in on himself.