Tom Holland Blurbs

without you (p.p.)

***ENDGAME SPOILERS***

listen to the song for extra emotions

He would never forget the absolute and utter quiet that came after Tony used the Infinity stones. He thought it was probably the worst thing to ever happen.

Since the spider bite, the world had never been totally silent for Peter. As he learned to control his powers, he realized just how alive the constant noise of the world reminded him he was. When he couldn't sleep at night, Peter often found himself listening to May's soft breathing in her room down the hall, reminding himself that she was there and he was  okay. Other times he would just tune in to the comforting wall of noise that was the city that never sleeps. People yelling, talking on the phone, kids laughing, car horns blaring. He loved the city that he worked so tirelessly to make a better place.

Sometimes, his senses weren't always his favorite thing. When he got too tired or panicked, the noise would reverberate through his skull and get louder and louder. Instead of being comforting, it made him curl into a ball anywhere that he could find some semblance of quiet. Which was much harder than Peter liked to admit. It terrified him when the noise got to be too much, especially when he wasn't expecting it.

He remembered the first time it happened, he had been studying for a final for about a week. Peter hadn't been sleeping as much as he should have and he knew that, but he couldn't afford a bad grade on this test. He was up too late one night, highlighter in hand and bags heavy under his eyes when a car horn blared from the street under his window, which he had stupidly left open after he returned from patrol. Peter jerked violently, having been so focused on studying that he forgot to keep his hearing in check, making the sudden noise sound like an air horn two feet away from his ear rather than seven stories below him.

It wouldn't stop. Peter dropped his head, hands coming up defensively, but there was nothing he could do to stop the sound, it felt like it had increased to foghorn level and was only getting louder. Peter whimpered pathetically, standing with jerky movements and somehow managing to flip off the desk light that suddenly seemed brighter than the sun before stumbling to his bed. He collapsed on it, head ringing, and pulled his pillow over his head in an attempt to block it all out. Peter was trembling uncontrollably but he didn't notice he was crying until he shifted hours later and felt the wet fabric on his face.

This was all before Mr. Stark and Germany and the fake internship. Peter learned to control his powers little by little. His favorite skill he picked up was listening to heartbeats. He only did it to people he allowed physically close to him, which was not a long list: Ben, (who was actually the reason he even knew he could hear heartbeats, but Peter didn't want to think about that night in the rain ever) May, and Ned. Their heartbeats were comforting and let Peter know they were safe.

And so, Peter learned how to live in a world that was never quiet. It was always filled to the brim with sounds.

So when the entire world suddenly went silent, Peter felt like he couldn't breathe. The battle had seemed unending. The only thing that was keeping his senses in control was the Iron Soider suit, which Mr. Stark had installed special protocols in for when Peter was in overwhelming places. A battlefield with aliens trying to kill him and explosions and screaming was definitely overwhelming.

He remembered that dying hurt, but he vaguely thought that if he died again today, maybe it wouldn't be so scary the second time. Peter didn't have time to dwell on how morbid that thought was before he was moving again, flipping through the air and webbing up aliens. After he delivered the gauntlet to Captain Marvel, Peter tried to think of a time he had ever felt this tired. He couldn't, but as he looked around and saw at least three different Avengers in need of assistance, he knew today was only gearing up to be more exhausting.