COUNTRY GIRL - The 7th summer

Chapter 32 - Kitty

I started crying again soon after Thomas left. I just couldn't help it. Granny offered me a "girl talk" but I didn't felt like it so I went to my room and eventually fell asleep from crying.

Now it's 4 in the morning and I lay in bed, eyes wide open, wondering what I should do. The main question being should I go see Harry or not...

My phone buzzes and I'm genuinely startled when I open the message notification and see what looks like a 3 feet long text from Harry. I sit up straight and my heart starts racing. I scroll up to the beginning of the message and read it.

" You know I'm no good with sappy talks but I guess I owe you one after what happened earlier? Bare with me, it's the middle of the night so...Yeah, this is probably the best I can do right now.

" I'm sorry I made you cry. I shouldn't have told you about me leaving sooner like that. It sounded like I wanted to get away from you maybe, but it's not! My mum made me. I wish I could stay longer!

" Because it forces me to think about what comes next, to what happen to us when we go back to our respective home, and I didn't really wanted to. You know I'm no good at long distance thing. I'm sure you know. That's why you never insisted on us staying in touch between our stays here, isn't it?

" I don't want you to think that I regret what we did this past week and a half, or last year just before I leave, cause I really don't. And I'd do it again cause I don't think I'd like anyone else to be your first boyfriend."

Oh Harry...I smile sadly, tears rolling down my cheeks.

" But you gotta admit that it made everything so complicated! I don't know what's the best thing to do and I feel like whatever I choose to do it'll get your hurt sooner or later. And I hate that.

" I know if I ask you to, you'll wait for me for another year, but so many things could happened in the meantime, for both if us, it doesn't seem fair.

" So maybe the best thing is to go back to the way we were before ? If it's possible without things being weird between us...And even tho I know this means breaking up and hurting you now. I don't like it neither.

" I just don't know what to do. I don't how to call what I feel for you. I don't know why I keep telling myself that I'm not the one for you even tho I get so fucking jealous when I imagine you with another dude!

" I want you to be happy and to be with someone who really deserves you. And I'm not sure I can be that guy. But I'll always be there if you need me. As your friend. If you want it?

" So if you need a friends hug right now, I'll be at the pond"

I don't take the time to read to the end. I put on a jacket and run outside. I storm to the pond, hot tears pouring from my eyes, my mind a freaking mess.

I distinguish Harry sitting on the table, his face lighten by the bluish glow of his phone's screen. He looks up when he hears me and hop down to meet me. I crash into his arms so hard he takes two steps back.

I sob loudly as he wrap his arms around me and holds me tight. I hear him whispering "I'm so sorry" and it breaks my heart a little more. I want to kiss him but I don't because he's not my boyfriend anymore, right?

I feel his lips pressing lightly on my neck and it makes me cry harder. I don't know if I'll ever be able to love him only as a friend again but if it's what it takes to keep him somehow close to me, I'll try...

When I think I can manage to let go of him, I take a deep breath, unlocks my arms from his neck and step away. I try to smile as I say:

-- Now please tell me you didn't knock out Thomas for walking me to Granny's.

It sounds a bit off but he still chuckle a little.

-- I actually thought he was going to take a swing at me when he came back. But no, we didn't fight.

-- Good.

We are both avoiding each other's eyes and stand like 2 idiots, not knowing what to say.

-- You're barefoot, Harry points out.

I nod. I'm barefoot half of the time, so...

-- You're gonna get cold.

-- I'm good, I reply and our eyes meet.

We share uneasy smiles. Getting back to normal is going to be hard. I see him eyeing the barn and I think he'd like for us to wait for the morning inside. We did that a lot. But last time we went in the barn...well we weren't acting like friends at all!

-- Fuck, he mutters before taking me back in his arms.

-- This is not helping, I whisper hugging him back.

-- I know...

We stay silent for a while, holding onto each other like it's the last time we ever will. I feel like crying again but I bite my lower lip to stop myself from doing so.

-- This is not working Harry, I say parting from him. I-...Maybe we should...not see each other before you go.

It hurts like hell to say that, and to see the look on his face, but I need to wean myself of him. If that's what we're gonna do, I need to!

-- Will you come say goodbye, he asks in a small voice.

He looks straight at me, pleading, and I nod. I try to hold my tears but it's getting harder and I feel one rolling down on my cheek. He wipes it away with his thumb and by reflex I lean my face on his hand for a second.

I want to kiss him so bad. Just one last time...So I turn around and leave hastily before I give in. The moment I think I'm far enough for him not to hear me, I burst out crying and fall on my knees.

This is so unfair! And it hurts so much!