Dear Little Deaf Boy

DLDB:48

I kissed Jasper Ralston

I kissed him!

Why would I kiss him!

But damn it felt amazing.

But it's wrong.

I was in conflict with myself, caught between regretting the kiss and not regretting it all. It was clear as day where our feelings resided. He liked me, and I liked him. But I still wasn't ready for anything more than that. I know Jasper isn't a bad guy. That he wouldn't hurt me. Still, I wasn't completely healed over what had happened to me. Jasper deserved somebody that could give him there all, that wasn't me... Not just at least.

But even with all that in my head, I still kept thinking about the kiss.

I kept wanting him.

It was at least 7 am and while he was knocked out sleep next to me. I was up reflecting about the night a smile still on my face hoping it all wasn't a dream.

I kissed Jasper.

And it was more than what I had ever hoped for.

I touched my soft lips to remember how he was once on them.

Shit.

I can't have him wake up with me looking like this or with my morning breath!

I slide out of the bed trying my hardest not to wake him and tiptoe out of his room and into the bathroom. Catching sight of my appearance. Goodness, I almost forgot how I looked without makeup. That was my fault for growing too dependent on it. I turned on the warm water and began washing my face once I was done I applied toothpaste on my finger and brushed my teeth. I was done being sad and done looking that way. I refuse to be Cry Baby Kinsley. I refuse to be ugly, no matter how hard life gets. If I'm going to do this whole "natural" things I needed to do a damn good job at it. After I brushed my teeth and pulled my hair back into  ponytail.

As for my outfit... There was nothing I could about that. I looked down at my none existing boobs that looked even flatter in his tee shirt.

" Fuck."

I looked at self in the mirror again trying to fake confidence, but it wasn't there.

" You are gorgeous." I complimented myself.

" A bad bitch. A fucking Goddess. You are..." I sigh

I suddenly felt self-conscious not believing a word I said.

"Ugly as fuck." Groaning annoyed I flick off the bathroom light not wanting to see my self any longer. My hands grip the door and swing it open.

" Holy shit!" I cursed startled at the sight in front of me.

Jasper's older brother stood outside the door looking at me with amusement.  His eyes were the bluest I had ever seen, a blue that made me cold just by looking at them, he had Jasper shared the same dark hair and handsome looks. He was larger than Jasper and his shirtless body was on display showing off his muscles and stumbled face giving him a mature look. At least in his mid 20's.

"As pretty as you are I'm ashamed to say I've forgotten if I brought you home last night I was pretty damn drunk. Did we sleep together, princess?" He asked

My lips moved, but no words came out. I looked at him with wide eyes still in shock me

" I- Uh no."