Unmarked

40. Pretending To Be Normal

Cradling a hot chocolate, I sink into the worn yet comfortable armchair located in a small cosy cafe. No one has arrived yet, and I'm starting to think no one will, which suits me perfectly.

I'm happy to finish this drink, walk out of here and... I'm not sure what next. Teddy's words replay in my head. How long can I keep running for? How long will I survive until the next kidnapping or involuntarily skin exposure? How long can I continue hiding and isolating myself?

It's exhausting thinking about my future, but what are my other options? Jump into the river with rocks in my pockets? It's a way out I've considered before. Jumping off the top of the Reflection Centre naked would be better. If I aim it just right, I could land on the hanging platform. It could be my last act of defiance before I die. I smile wryly.

"What are you thinking about?" Grey asks, taking a large bite of his sandwich.

"How I would kill myself," I say without thinking. Why did I just admit that out loud?

"How would you do it?" Grey leans back, looking amused.

I hesitate before finally saying, "jump off the top of the Central Reflection Centre, naked, and aiming to land on the platform."

"It would definitely get people's attention. I can only imagine the expressions of all the people inside watching you clamber up the glass dome naked." Grey laughs. "Only problem is, the distance between the Reflection Centre and platform is too far to jump. You'd need to get some sort of glider to take you part of the way, then let go at the right moment so you plummet to your death and hit your target."

"Thanks for the advice. I'll be sure to take that into consideration." I chuckle.

"Anytime. Plenty more helpful tips stored in here." Grey taps the side of his head.

"Are all these tips suicide-related, or do they apply to other aspects of life too?"

"Most are not suicide-related, and I hope you are not planning on testing out that suggestion."

"It is rather tempting. Gliding naked across the main square sounds fun." I arch an eyebrow whilst taking another sip of my hot chocolate. "You were right earlier. It is enjoyable pretending to be part of normal society. I never really got to experience this sort of thing."

"Going to a cafe?"

"Yeah. We moved a lot, and with me being how I am, I didn't get the opportunity to socialise much with people in normal law-abiding situations." I shrug.

"Do you miss home?"

Home. It's a strange word to me because I've never really had a fixed home. There have been buildings I slept, ate and worked in, but they were never home. Home conjures up images of family members and friends, warm and inviting. None of which have applied to my life. I had my mum and the only valuable friendship applies to Teddy who I've now discovered isn't who I thought he was. He's a liar, like me, which probably means our relationship was a lie too.

A lump drops down next to me before I can answer Grey. I turn to see Zed squashing himself into the tiny gap of my armchair while Orla perches on the armrest.

"You do realise I'm already sitting in this seat." I elbow Zed as he wriggles deeper into the cushions, crushing me against the side of the armchair.

I huff. "You're a little too close, particularly when I hardly know you."

"Don't worry, I'm not making a move." Zed inspects me with a look of slight amusement and distaste. "I know I'm a catch, but you are definitely not my type."

"Zed, don't be so rude," Orla says quietly. She smiles at me shyly.

"Zed, I didn't think you were making a move, I just thought you might have your head shoved so far up your ass you didn't notice this seat was already occupied." I lean closer to him and whisper, "you know as an Unmarked, I've never visited a hospital, and I've got this skin rash I can't get rid of, in fact, it's spreading."

Zed makes a face before standing up and pulling over a chair.

Orla laughs while I shuffle along making room for her next to me which she happily takes whilst sticking her tongue out at Zed.

She leans towards me. "He's such a fool. If it wasn't for his Birth Brand I'd be adamant he was swapped at birth. He definitely didn't inherit Charlie's intelligence." She glances at my collarbone which is hidden by my top as though she's just remembered my lack of one.

"Where is Charlie?"

"Charlie couldn't come. Officials are causing her trouble," Zed says, "lucky for you, her replacement is a newer and better version."

"Immature and stupid version, you mean," Orla mutters.

Zed doesn't hear and picks up a menu from the table.

"I agree, Orla," I whisper.

Orla smiles. "The worst part is I have to deal with him every day. At least, I can say we don't share DNA. Charlie took me in when I was three years old." Orla leans towards me. "My parents were arrested and sent to a labour camp. Charlie was our neighbour. She took me in without a moments hesitation. I don't have any other family, and I think The State was glad to not have to deal with me at the time. I've lived with her ever since."

"I'm sorry about your parents."

Orla shrugs. "I can't remember them much. Most of what I know has come from Charlie. They ran a bookstore which secretly sold anti-State literature and they were caught. They were lucky they didn't get hung. My mother was heavily pregnant so maybe The State made an allowance for the two of them."

Or executing a pregnant woman would not be a crowd-pleaser, even for the most hardened State propaganda-spouting believer. I don't bother asking if she's heard or seen from her parents since. Contact with people sent to labour camp is forbidden.

"How old are you, Orla?'

"Sixteen." Orla smiles shyly. "I'm hoping to convince Charlie to allow me to get engaged. It's someone from school."

"Why will you need to convince her?"

"She wants me to wait for things to change."

"Change?"

Orla talks in a hushed tone. "When we're successful and The State is no longer in power. Then everything will be different, and we'll get more freedom in choosing our future. Charlie reads all these books about different societies, their governments and laws. I don't understand some of them but she's really clever, like crazy intelligent. Did you know the reason so many books are considered contraband is because The State doesn't want us to know there is an alternative? For example, in some countries you get married when you want, any age and if you don't want to get married that's fine.' Orla pauses for dramatic effect.

I'd never really thought about the existence of another way of life. I always assumed this way was how it is everywhere.

Orla takes my lack of response as a sign of amazement. She continues excitedly, trying to keep her voice low, her eyes dart around wildly to check no one is listening. "And did you know in some places they vote for who is in charge? People, like you and me, can have a say in how they want the country to be run. Imagine we had a system in which we could decide the leaders, the rules. Imagine how different life would be."

"Imagine," I say, in truth, I can't. I've never been much of a dreamer.

Orla nudges me gently. "I'm so glad you're finally here. I think with you onboard, our organisation will make a real impact. It's time to make a difference."

I force a smile, my lips pinched as the hot chocolate curdles in my stomach. I'm not going to make a difference.

Glancing through the window, I inhale sharply as I spot a figure standing on the other side of the street. Jas is staring at me, looking casual and confident as per usual. I'd noticed him when we arrived talking on his phone, but he'd walked off so I assumed it was a coincidence. I was wrong. He's waiting for me.

"I'll be back in a minute," I say to the others.

The three of them nod. Orla leans forward to join into the conversation with Grey and Zed. Hopefully, they won't notice me heading outside. This will only take a minute.