Unmarked

49. Conflicting Emotions

Charlie is gnawing at her lip as we enter, and she jumps to standing upon seeing us, her hands smoothing down invisible creases along the front of her top. She picks up a folder on her desk and offers it to me. "Everything is in there. Once you've memorised it all, burn the folder."

I shake my head. "Can't you give it to me verbally? I've got a good memory and I don't want to be in possession of any incriminating evidence."

"You're an Unmarked who will soon be walking into a building full of Officials. A few pieces of paper are the least of your worries."

My heart beats rapidly in my chest and my hands are clammy. "It will take ten minutes to relay the information to me and then you can dispose of the evidence yourself."

"Cady, the longer you stay here, the more at risk you are of getting caught. This factory is often subjected to random searches by Officials and with my recent encounter, I can only guess we'll be due for another soon. I can't guarantee you're safe here. Take the folder and good luck. I hope to see you tomorrow alive." Charlie's arm remains outstretched and I grab the folder.

My mouth is dry and I don't look down at the papers in my hand. I don't say goodbye to her or Milo. I bolt out of the door and run. Trying to navigate my way out of the building, everything is blurred, my chest is tightening, crushing my lungs so I can't breathe.

I continue forward until I find an exit. Pushing the door open, I rush outside. Resting my forehead against the cold wall I inhale deeply. After everything I've encountered the last few days, the folder of paper in my hand panics me the most, this will be my downfall. This folder will be the reason I do not succeed tonight.

I close my eyes, muttering, "Shit! Shit! Shit!"

"That bad?" Grey says softly.

"I can't do it," I mumble, keeping my eyes firmly shut.

"That's fine. Tell them you don't want to do it."

I shake my head, unable to look at him.

Grey grips my shoulders and forces me to turn around. "Look at me." He tilts my face up and I open my eyes. "You don't need to be embarrassed about not wanting to go through with this. You found out your mum was going to be hung, you'd been drugged a few nights before, Jas was taking advantage of-"

"Don't start spouting the same rubbish as Charlie. I'm not confused or mad. I understand what I'm going to attempt has massive risks, one of which is death. That isn't the problem."

"Cady, you just said you can't do it."

"You don't understand," I whisper hoarsely.

"Make me understand."

I lean forward wanting to ignore everything, wanting to kiss him and forget. Grey's arms go rigid, his hands still gripping my shoulders, he doesn't allow me to get any closer. "I don't want to be only a distraction."

His eyes search my face before he releases me, stepping back his face darkens slightly. "When you really trust me, I'll be here for you. Until then, I'm going back inside to Milo and Zed who aren't afraid to ask for my help."

I recoil, his words slicing through me. Watching him retreat, I mentally battle against all my instincts. Don't tell. Don't trust. But I want to tell him. I want to trust him.

"I can't do it," I call out.

Grey turns slowly. "You can't trust me?"

"No, I can't do what Charlie wants. I can't memorise all this information in this folder because..." I falter unable to say the words aloud and resort to waving the folder I'm holding.