Unmarked

61. We

Minutes, hours and days merge but I'm finally starting to get a grip on reality.

For a few days, I couldn't tell what was real or fake. The cruel hallucinations felt so life-like. The hug from my mum, the comforting words of Teddy telling me how he wishes things could have been different and Jas apologising for attempting to kill me. I know they are false memories. My mum is dead, Teddy is rotting away in a labour camp wishing he never met me and the only regret Jas has is failing to kill me.

Grey wakes me to swallow another selection of pills. This is real. The pain, the fatigue and embarrassment at being so pathetically weak.

"You told me I ruined your life last night."

"You've improved my life, Cady." Grey frowns. "I thought the hallucinations had stopped."

"It was more a dream than a hallucination."

"You mean a nightmare. Dreams are enjoyable."

"You were naked in my dream so it was enjoyable up until you spoke." I grin.

Grey laughs and holds up two pills in front of my mouth waiting for me to open.

"Grey, I appreciate everything you're doing but you don't have to baby me. I'm not completely helpless." I swat his hand away and take the large capsules which look as though they were made for horses. They probably were. I was treated by a veterinarian who diagnosed blood poisoning from the gunshot wound, a broken arm and a sprained ankle.

"I don't think you're helpless. However, you are incapable of accepting help."

"I accept help when it's needed." I swallow the pills and try to stand, which is impossible when the mattress lays on the ground and I'm working with only one fully functional leg and one arm in a cast.

Right now, I really wish me and my mum had invested in bed frames rather than make do with mattresses on the floor.

Grey hooks his arm around my waist and lifts me up slowly. Supporting me, he helps me towards a chair and I slump onto it.

"Thanks," I mutter.

"Anytime." Grey grins, sitting in the chair opposite.

Grey looks me over, slowly deliberating and I'm waiting for him to tell me what's on his mind. He leans forward, tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. "I know you're still recovering but soon we'll need to decide what we are going to do."

The simple word 'we' causes a swirl of emotion. My heart beats rapidly in my chest, my palms clammy and I know this response well. I'm panicking. Why am I panicking?

"Ok," I say slowly.

Grey raises an eyebrow in expectation. "Well, what are your thoughts?"

"I think you have a role in the organisation which is what you wanted."

"I don't want any part of their organisation."

"What? You can't stop your involvement because of me."

"Jas tried to kill you and even though Charlie insists she didn't know, he's still allowed to remain as part of their organisation which means they accept his actions. I can't be part of something which goes against what I believe. I can't condone killing innocent people." Grey sighs. "As for us, I think we should just see where this goes. I know it's not the normal way."

"Not normal because we haven't sealed our match by becoming engaged? To be honest, I prefer our way.' I joke except it feels hollow. His words rattle around inside me. He doesn't agree with killing.

"Why am I not surprised?" Grey chuckles.

"What do you mean by that?"

"You've got commitment issues."