Journal (Calum Hood)

Entry 3 (Calum)

Entry 3 (Calum)

How does Steph not love herself as much as I love her? How come she doesn't see how perfect the space between the bottom of her nose and her lip is? How come she doesn't know how cheerful and perfect her laugh is? How does she not notice how the color in her eyes are completely hypnotizing?

How come she doesn't want to be alive anymore?

I know she thinks she's a fuck up, but in reality, she's the opposite. She managed to escape her father. She managed to graduate high school. She managed to get accepted into college. She managed to get me to fall in love with her.

I don't plan on fixing her, because she doesn't need to be fixed. What she needs is a person to get her to believe what she really is, and how perfect she is. I plan on doing that. I never knew she was suicidal until Luna found her letter and I pulled her back from the edge. She's a good actress. She tricked her seven best friends that know her better than anything to believe she was a happy person with a happy life.

I think the idea she has going on with the journal is a good idea. She can get rid of thoughts, emotion, and her feelings onto paper without being violent. It's a good idea to do it.

Maybe if just told her I love her. She would know, and she might even realize that all this time she's been in love with me, too.

Only Michael knows I love her. Actually, he's the only I've told. I think Ashton and Luke have their suspicions. Maybe, but I only rant to Michael. I ask him for advice quiet often. He always tells me the same thing. Tell her you love her, or she'll date someone else, dumbass. He's probably getting annoyed with me because he always says that, and I always go to with with the same questions.

My phone rings and I see that Stephanie is calling me. My heart does three summer salutes and seven leaps. I quickly answer it before I get too distracted by my heart to not answer it.

"Hello?" I ask.

"Hi, Cal. I was wondering if you'd to go to lunch with me."

"Lunch?"

"Yeah."

"Just the two of us?"

"Yeah. I figured that we dint get a lot of time by ourselves, so you wanna go?"

"Um, y-yeah. Sure."

"Okay, how about that Italian place around my flat?"

"Sounds good."

"Meet you there."

"Okay."

"Bye, Cal."

"Bye, Steph." I hang up with a huge smile on my face. "Go, Calum. Going to

lunch with Steph. All by yourself." I say to myself. I call Michael to tell him.

"He-?"

"Guess what just happened?!"

"Hello to you too."

"Mike."

"Okay, I'm sorry. What happened?"

"Stephanie just asked me if I wanted to go to lunch with her."

"Just the two of you?"

"Yep."

"Nice job, mate!"

"Thank you."

"Now put on your shoes before you accidentally stand her up. Go, go, go!" I hang and quickly run out the door. As soon as I get there, I see Stephanie outside. She smiles as I greet her. We were lead into the store and we were sat down.

"Hey, Cal."

"Hi, Steph."

"Okay, I had the weirdest dream last night."

"What happened?"

"Well, there was this dinosaur. He started to chase the eight of us and for a while it was just that. Then these stumps showed up and jumped on them. We ended up in a place like it was in The Wizard Of Oz. We had to go on this great mission to get out of there, yet we needed to make sure we weren't attacked by that dinosaur from the beginning," I zone out of what she's saying, although it's an interesting story, I just find myself staring at how her lips move. Her plush, pink lips would be so great against mine.

Her eyes were sparkling with excitement. She always loved stories, and dreams. She looked genuinely happy. Although her mouth and brain say she's unhappy, her eyes and heart betray her words. I know she's happy.

"Isn't that hilarious, Cal?" With the mention of my name, I tune back in.

"Yeah, so funny." I say.

"Did you have any dreams last night?"

I dreamt of my arms wrapped around your waist at night, my lips against yours. My mouth saying the word 'baby' to you, and the feeling I'd get when your head is against my chest while we're cuddling.

"Not any I remember."

"I love dreams."

"I know." Our waitress comes up and takes our order, then we go back to talking.

"Okay, Calum, I need help."

"With what?"

"I need advice."

"What kind of advice?"

"Advice on Luke."

She likes Luke?

"You like Luke?"

"What? Me? No, no, no. I don't like Luke."

What?

"Then why do you need advice on Luke?"

"Because Avery likes Luke."

"Oh. What does she want to know?"

"First, how to talk to him."

"What? She talks to him just fine!"

"No, I mean, as like asking Luke to have dinner with her. Maybe not a date, but something."

Is this a date? Or a something?

"Just how you did to me earlier. Call him.-"

"She wants to do it in person."

"Then she needs to bat her eyelashes, wear blue, and ask Luke if he wants to go the Chinese place."

"Why blue?"

"He loves blue on a girl."

"Oh, okay. Thanks."

"Just tell her to hike up her skirt and do it."

And I found myself telling me that with my I-love-Steph-but-I-don't-want-to-tell-her situation. Just hike up your skirt and do it.

A/N: hike it up.

my mom tells me that. "Hike up your skirt and do it , Bails."

Aww isn't Cal such a hopeless romantic. being in love with Steph and all that shit

hi I hope you had a lovely last few days.

OMG THE GOID GIRLS EP. MURICA CANT PREORDER IT ON THE 10TH LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. WHHYYYY.

UPDATE! In 48 hours I'll be in a hotel in Philly. From there me and my mom will take a plane to San Antonio, Texas the next day. IM SO EXCITED.

Hope you enjoyed! See you next update!

Bailey xx