Journal (Calum Hood)

Entry 15 (Calum)

Entry 15 (Calum)

Today is the 23rd of December. All of the eight of us have decided to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas together, at Stephanie and Luna's place. Over the past ten days, we decorated like crazy and made many batches of cookies. I also finished my shopping.

Since I won't have a chance to be with Stephanie alone for the next days, I am taking her iceskating. I can't ice skate for shit, and neither can Steph, but that's okay. We can humiliate each other.

I call her when I'm at her apartment door.

"Hello?"

"Put on your shoes, we're going ice skating."

"When?"

"Now." I can hear her shuffling on the other side.

"Can we go for ice cream after?"

"If you'd like."

"I'd like."

"Then, sure."

"Where are you?"

"In front of your door." Then she opens the door with a big smile on her face.

"Let's go." She says and gives me a quick peck on my lips. Then she pulls me and starts to drag me out of the apartment.

"Okay, Steph, slow down."

"I'm sorry, I just love Christmas time so much!"

"That's okay, so do I." I smile. She smiles that beautiful smile that I love so much and she continues to drag me out of the building. We get to my car and, like that gentleman I am, I open the door for her.

When we arrive at the ice skating rink, I ask for two pairs of skates, size 10 men's - I have big feet, I'm sorry! - and size 7 women's.

"Do you need help lacing up your skate?" I ask my girlfriend once I'm done with mine.

"No, thanks, but I can do it." She says back.

"Okay, let me rephrase this. I want to lace up your last skate for you so I can pretend we're on that romantic date Harry was in in the Night Changes video." I say and I bend down to tie her skate. She laughs at my lame attempt to be funny.

"You're cute, Cal. Just try not to break any bones in the process." I stand up next to her sitting body and home my hand out for her.

"I'm not promising anything. I'm horrible at I've skating." I admit.

"Hey," She uses my hand to wobbly pull herself up, "So am I." She gives me a quick peck on the lips before gracefully gliding onto the ice. I smirk and follow after her with great difficulty.

"Is this your first time ice skating?" I ask Steph. We start out easy; gliding close to the wall.

"No. My parents and I used to go all the time before my dad started hitting my mom and she killed herself."

"So you haven't been here in a while?"

"No I have not."

"I've gone twice. But I broke my wrist the second time so I never came back."

"That sounds like something you would do."

"What does that mean?" I act slightly offended, but I'm not.

"That means you're a klutz! It's nothing against you, you're just accident prone."

"There's nothing wrong with that."

"I never said there was, I love you, just the way you are."

That's one of the things I love about my relationship with Stephanie. We joke about everything, we can't take anything seriously.

"Damn straight." I say. I feel her slightly pulling my hand more towards the center."Steph, whatcha doing?"

"Just seeing if we can skate a little closet to the wall, that's all."

"Do you want me to fall?"

"No, but like I said, you're a klutz. I wouldn't be surprised if you did." I roll my eyes and let her pull me to the middle.

"You're lucky I love you." I say.

"I'm very grateful you're not such a asshole boyfriend. I don't know if I'd be able to handle that. And to be honest, I might even fall back into depression if you hurt me."

I never realized that. She literally just woke up from a coma twelve days caused by an overdose. That she did to herself because she wanted to die. And on that day, she decided - more like realized - that suicide wasn't worth the great life she has and never knew she had. Less than two weeks ago. If I hurt her, she could be suicidal again. I hope not, because my heart aches just thinking of it being my fault that she falls back into depression. Of course, I would never want to purposely hurt her, but I'm not perfect. I could hurt her, as much as I don't want to, I could. I need to be careful on what I say or do. I wouldn't want to hurt her.

"Cal?" Steph says as she waves a face in front of my face.

"Sorry. Just dozing."

"Oh, God. Did I make you think about me going into depression again if you hurt me?"

"I couldn't help it." We abruptly stop in the middle of the rink and Steph faces me.

"Calum, if you do hurt me, which I know won't be in purpose, don't think I'll get depressed. After my coma, I got a sudden realization that I'm stronger than that. I can do it. Okay? I promise you, I won't become depressed again."

"Alright."

I know that more than me hurting her. She was trying to tell me that no matter what, she won't get depressed again.

"Okay good. Now my legs are getting numb, so can we leave?"

"Sure." I say. We skate to the side, take off the skates and hand them to the man behind the counter. Then we walk to the car and once we're in, I ask Stephanie if she still wants ice cream.

"After being in that? Hell no."

A/N: aw

I'm so ready for Christmas I need to leave the house so I don't sit in the living room staring at my presents.

It's gotten bad.

UPDATE! I'm on Christmas break hell yeah.

Hope you enjoyed! See you next update!

Bailey xx