My Personal Virus (A BEN Drowned x Reader fanfic)

Desperate For Something Unknown

(You)

My eyelids finally separated due to the sunlight shining brightly over my face, with a groan I focused my vision as well as recollecting the memories from yesterday. I felt my heart skip a beat after remembering what happened last night. 

I had another nightmare, probably one of the worst I had. All I can recall was that there was blood, screams of agony, the laughter of enjoyment and...BEN. Of course, I should have expected him to be there but it was different. The way I saw him in my dream was odd, he was there on the edge of what I think is a river, then I swiftly pushed him into it while holding his head completely drowning his face into the water. There I remember seeing him struggling to be free but I...I was merciless, it remained like that for not too long until his body became limp. I remember laughing at this sight, it was uncontrollable. His own blood mixed with the water in the river. His own screams of pain were heard, for an unknown reason, I seemed to not care for what I did.

I killed him

It would be fine if he died but not if it's because of me, I never wanted or imagined myself murdering BEN. I know he's sadistic and he ruined my perfectly normal life, but I decided he didn't deserve to die...again. Suddenly I felt something slightly heavy wrapped around my stomach, I looked down only to be greeted with a pair of arms wrapped securely around me. Feeling shocked, I quickly thought who might be doing this until my eyes went wide with a realization. Last night I remember waking up from the nightmare I had, there the guy with raven hair staring at me blankly without a reason. I can recall feeling guilty and mostly scared all because of the terrible dream, tears finally exited my eyes as I...hugged him.

Why the hell did I do that?!

What shocked me overall was that he hugged me back, then right there I cried in his arms until there are no tears left. Once I pulled away, I suddenly felt him attack me with a hug. I couldn't find the reason why I hugged back as well, I couldn't find the reason for all of his actions last night. I froze when the arms around my stomach moved finally freeing me, with a gulp I turned to my side to see him there sleeping so peacefully. I felt the urge to leave the room but I also had the urge to just simply stay and stare at his petite face. He had visible eye bags and pale lips, he just honestly looked...tired. His body was facing me completely while his arms rested between us,I couldn't do anything but stare at him blankly. 

Is it bad to think he looks attractive?

I didn't know the answer to that question, but I want to know. My body stiffened upon seeing his eyes finally fluttering open, I feel panic enter inside of me when his sharp blue eyes met with mine. Suddenly he flinched as he moved his arms much closer to his body giving enough space between us. Feeling quite embarrassed to be caught staring, I decided to just simply ignore it and face somewhere else.

"Are you okay?"

His voice, I heard it before but this time it sounded...concerned. Mostly he would sound emotionless and cold but this...it was oddly new. I was puzzled, I didn't know what to do, I didn't even realize I was staring at him for too long like an idiot.

"I-I'm fi-fine"

He chuckled at my reply. The blue-eyed male inched closer to me making me instantly nervous, our eyes still looking at each other, unable to break contact. I felt like none of us knew what was going on, we seemed to be too occupied with our thoughts, I wonder...what is he thinking right now. It could be anything, but I didn't even bother to find out. Finally, his lips separated.

"Do you remember anything from last night?"

I froze, I was positively sure I remember it but I didn't dare to say it out loud. I felt so ashamed of my unreasoned actions, I felt so embarrassed because of what I did. It was silent, I kept my mouth shut to prevent unwanted words from spilling out. He was just there, still staring at me with his mesmerizing ocean eyes. I hated my state at the moment, I just wished I haven't done those harmless things...

"It's clear that you don't want to talk about it, but I would like to ask...can I...can I have a hug?"

He couldn't be dead serious? Is he?

I was dumbfounded and shocked overall, why would he want a hug from an insignificant person such as myself? I couldn't move nor talk, heck I couldn't process what is actually happening right now. He's got to be joking, he has to be playing with me. Why would a person like him have a desire like that? I think I'm losing my mind. Before I knew it, his arms were around me as his body was pressed against mine. He feels...cold, so cold. I debated if I should return the embrace or not, but soon I did.

There's something that is not right, the way he's hugging me isn't just because he wants to without a clear reason, it's because he's desperate. But why would he be desperate for an embrace from me? The way he slightly gripped me, the way his arms wrapped me securely, the way he's burying his face on the crook of my neck, it's clear he's in need for such an embrace but why?

I didn't even realize I was too deep into thought, soon I snapped back into reality when he removed his body against mine. There I stared awkwardly, his face was completely confused in which I relate to currently. Everything was escalating too fast for me to process anything leaving me confused, I know everything happens for a reason but right now I want to know the reason for his actions, 'cause of he keeps going...I would be doomed.

Suddenly he finally stands up from the bed, he stretched his arms as I stared blankly with my mind fluttering somewhere. Soon I felt it was necessary to get up as well when I did the guy with raven hair quickly grabbed my arm instantly leading me out of the room and downstairs. We entered the kitchen only to be greeted by two familiar figures, the smiling guy and the guy with the blue mask. I tensed up when the smiling male chuckled towards me, the blue-eyed guy released his grip on me as he walked towards the counter in order to make food.

"It's quite fascinating to still see you in one piece...er...what's your name?"

"[Name]"

"I didn't ask you, Jack"

"Clearly she doesn't want to talk to an idiot like you"

"Don't make me shut your-"

"Shhh, do you hear that?"

I notice the two males turn their heads towards the guy with raven hair, I did turn my head too because of curiosity. Everything went silent except for the humming that obviously didn't belong me nor to the two other guys. It seemed to come from the blue-eyed guy preparing food, it didn't make me feel uncomfortable, unlike the two males.

"Since when did painter boy hum like there's nothing wrong in this damn house?"

"I don't know Jeff, but I assume there's something going on inside that secured head"

Jeff and Jack whispered to each other while the humming still remained in the background, suddenly both of their heads snapped towards me. I flinched and gulped as I felt panic rising inside of me, Jeff inspected me with a suspicious expression while Jack simply just stared at me making me completely uneasy and unaware of what they might be thinking. Eventually, they walked away from me after what it felt like minutes of them looking at me after they were in a good distance away I notice them striking a conversation I couldn't hear. 

"Here"

I turned around to see the raven-haired painter with a bowl of oatmeal, he handed it for me to take in which I did gladly. We both ate together in silence, unfortunately, I could no longer see the two males from earlier causing me to think what could they be discussing. Currently, I feel oddly relaxed but puzzled, he wasn't humming like he was. What could be so weird about hearing him hum? Despite me being curious, I chose to not find the answer to my question. Though I wanted to know who that ocean eyed painter is, I wanted to know what kind of personality he has, I wanted to know what he is thinking. Is it all because of curiosity or is it because I'm desperate for something unknown?

(sorry for misspelled words and wrong grammars)