My Personal Virus (A BEN Drowned x Reader fanfic)

Lost

(You)

When the sunlight hits my face, it never felt the same, somehow it's so soft and gentle on my skin. I couldn't sleep properly last night, not because I heard gunshots through the window, it's because of him not being by my side. I despised myself for being so used around him all the time, especially when going to sleep. Those crimson eyes would be there on the back of my skull, staring so intently, though it never bothered me.

Here I sit under the sheets in silence, waiting. He'll come through the door like always, I expected a tray of food and an engulfing gaze that I will eventually give back. Secretly, I accepted everything now. Honestly, I felt empty, lack of emotions or anything too good for me to smile. Certain things never mattered anymore, I didn't care. Lost, that's what I exactly feel. I'm still searching for something I don't even know myself, perhaps something that is lost too.

When my eyes landed on the now open door, I stared while he smiled, this gave me sensations in my stomach. Ever since then, BEN's smiles always gave me weird sensations such as goosebumps and what feels like summersaults inside my tummy, I tried to ignore it though it became hard. Oddly, he didn't bring any food for me, somehow I thought there was something going on. BEN made his way beside me on the bed, lying face to face. The close contact we had made me shiver without a reason, though I didn't mind. This time I wanted to speak first.

"Is there something wrong?"

"I can't tell, are you hungry?"

"No"

"That's good, I haven't prepared breakfast"

BEN has always been acting concerned about my health, he didn't explain because of confidential reasons and I understood as I kept quiet. The elf inched closer to me, he had that blank expression on his face, for some reason, I wanted to see his smile once more despite being fake.

"Do you want to talk about something?"

"There's no topic in mind, how about you suggest a conversation starter?"

Apparently, this time he didn't need to open up about his current thoughts. BEN would always tell something about his day, it can be useless but better than silence. I know he still has secrets he would like to keep forever but I also wanted to know those too, I wanted to know whatever he was thinking and feeling. I was that curious to know.

"Do you think destiny exists?"

Thankfully, he started the conversation since I couldn't think of an interesting topic. His question felt complex and difficult, but I can tell he's expecting an answer so I thought for a while. BEN gazed into my eyes as he would always do, I couldn't read his emotions through his crimson eyes so I sometimes figure it out based on his body language. When a thought came to mind, I finally opened my mouth.

"I think destiny was only a phrase to refer to something that must happen. Sometimes I think, it doesn't exist and it's just an excuse but...I don't know anymore"

BEN's expression relaxed, a sigh escaped his lips, he bit his lip perhaps wanting to say something to me so I waited.

"What if destiny does exist and we're meant to be stuck together...forever?"

His thoughts were something hard to decipher, but I decided to try. I shuffled closer to him, there's only an inch apart, he looked away then at the ceiling while I simply stared at him thinking of an answer.