My Personal Virus (A BEN Drowned x Reader fanfic)

Lies for Comfort

(BEN)

Goddamnit! Words are not enough to describe how much I despise myself, I know ain't perfect and I make mistakes but hugging [Name] was not a mistake. I admit I did intend to hug her but...it's just fucking confusing! I'm supposed to be the one to control my own body not some other force! It just escalated so quickly that I barely had the time to think about what I have done.

Here I was again, out into the night and deep into the woods, there's already so much for me to handle and this...unknown feeling of loath just suddenly has to be the cherry on top. The wind that blew just reminded of yesterday, the night I was supposed to intimidate her, the night that I was supposed to kill her...

"Fucking Hell!"

I shouted into the night, there I heard my own voice echo into the wilderness, well at least the trees know how much I hate everything at the moment. 

Slenderman must have heard my voice through the forest, I had enough of that fucker. How many lies did he spread? How many people did he make them believe? It already pissed me off once and yet here I am still salty about it, I mean who wouldn't?! I left them alone because they didn't want me anymore, I gave them what they wanted. Now they want me back because they finally realized how useful I am to them, I gave them a chance. I'm not stupid, I'm just bored but boy I regretted coming back. I'm still surprised that Slenderman hasn't found out that his pathetic proxy was killed, yes I'm talking about Toby. Out of all the people in the fucking world, he decided to choose Mr.Numb Boy. The numbness to pain was useful, the only thing that is annoying was Toby. Shit, how stupid can Slenderman be?

The thought of Toby suddenly became thought of Jeff, oh god. I gritted my teeth with furrowed eyebrows, memories of before flooded in so quickly. I trusted him, he did the same. I understood him, he did the same. We were partners in crime, like literally. To be frank, I had happy memories with him despite it not lasting long. Jeff has changed, he was no longer the aggressive dirtbag that I used to hang out with, he's nothing more but secretive. We were best friends, but it ended soon before I knew it. He turned his back on me, he left me alone, he ignored me. Jeff acted like none of those waves of laughter and nights we'd go out breaking the law was nothing but useless memories. I was dumb enough to treasure those moments until it became nothing but an agonizing movie. I was hurt, I was used to it but soon I found out that I was meant to be hurt. So I moved on and acted like I never even met him...

Anger was soon replaced with sorrow, all because of one name. Sally, the only person that actually cared for me. I know she's just a young girl, but everything she did for me was enough to make me feel at ease like I was never alone in the first place. It was no surprise that she had to disappear too, she was thrown away just like me, but unlike me, she never came back. From there I never got my hopes up that she'll return someday, she needed to be gone, she doesn't deserve to suffer. After Sally's farewell, I lost the feeling of ease. Of course, I was hurt but it wasn't that much since I expected it.

A sigh escaped my lips, all that thinking had me tired. I was out here for a reason, I can't stand myself being in the same room as [Name], I had this undescribed urge that annoyed me for a while now. Every time I would see her face, hear her voice, and feel her touch it drives me wild in a way that I never knew that existed. That wild feeling was left to be undiscovered. It was getting late but I didn't care, I did what I had to do today though I felt like it was never enough, like there's something missing. Sooner I grew frustrated about thinking certain things that I shouldn't, I started my journey back to the mansion in hopes of relaxation. Perhaps video games would help, I mean, it always does. It didn't take long until I entered the old mansion, everybody was minding their own business and I was too exhausted to even eavesdrop.