My Personal Virus (A BEN Drowned x Reader fanfic)

What's the purpose of Happiness?

(BEN)

Here I am again, it's has been three days since I've seen her face, the thought of it made me cringe. She's always on my mind, and she never left. It's stupid to think that I want to see her again, that's the reason why I keep avoiding that girl. She drives me crazy than I already am! I was supposed to kill her that day, but no, we went in another round. Did I enjoy it? To be frank, yes I did, but I hated at how much amazing it felt. 

[Name] took it too far, it was supposed to only happen once, but she was confident enough to cause another. I couldn't count the times that she took my guard off, the way those [Eye Color] eyes would stare at me, god it made me feel frustrated. I hate how she stands out from all the other girls I have captured. She's the only one who has an ordinary life, a perfectly normal life. That alone sickens me. She hasn't made an attempt to escape from me, and now she wasn't trying to run away when she was taken by a bunch of morons. And lastly, she had sex with me...TWICE! No, I didn't rape her(like I was intended to do), and I hated at how she could be dominant at certain times.

"Stupid fucking girl"

I muttered to myself, I was getting all too fed up by her actions and at how much...strange she was. I must kill her immediately, who knows what will she do next. I can no longer make proper eye contact with that girl, was it because I was...ashamed? That's pathetic, I would never be ashamed and besides what should I be ashamed of? I froze when a thought crossed my mind.

You were ashamed at how much you enjoyed a blowjob from her

I groaned at how my thoughts betrayed me, it angers me at how right it would get. I remembered her gaze on me during that time, she was...different. Her gaze meant something unlike before. My memories recalled the time I disguised myself, it was the School Dance, it was the time I first kissed her out of act, I had to in order to fool her. That didn't feel wonderfull or whatsoever, but the second time was something else, I couldn't describe why it made my insides ignite for no absolute reason, I wasn't meant to feel that. 

Before I knew it, I shouted from the top of my lungs, I could recognize the anger in my voice. Everything was just out of place, unusual,not...normal. I took a deep breath then sighed loudly, I was glad I was alone on the top of this hill, I did hate my thoughts but I need to fix them, I need to fix myself. Soon I confirmed my plan upon ending [Name]'s life once and for all, it's what I intended on a long time ago,but...did I get what I wanted? Am I satisfied?

I stared at the lonesome moon in the sky, I sat on the ground feeling the grass underneath me. Then I stared down at my hands, the hands that committed too many crimes to count, the hands that crafted trouble and tragedy, the hands that ruined...[Name]. 

Did I ruin her?

I scoffed upon that thought, of course, I did though I wasn't guilty when I did that. I never regretted a decision, I wasn't perfect but I was great. I snickered to myself, I remembered the times I would see someone suffer because of me. Their cries of mercy, their screams of agony, their eyes full of hurt, and their body filled with scars. I do enjoy inflicting pain on others, it was my own passion. There's just a big difference upon seeing people smile and cry, somehow I found myself amused at tears that would exit from a person's eyes, not with joy but rather in sorrow. It's interesting to think about why do humans cry, I know it can be caused by emotions but I would like to know why do tears exist.

I've seen her cry, I've seen her smile, I've seen almost every expression that she had. What now? I then suddenly start to care about her because we had sex together? That's idiotic. No, I don't care about a girl like her, what I only care is what she did to me. Somehow my plan has backfired me, I ruined her now she's starting to ruin me, starting with my thoughts. I never knew someone would be still capable of doing that, I'm already broken and she's trying to ruin me more. That's NEVER going to happen, I will not let a despicable girl win against me.