Promises Not Kept

16

           Leah sat in the bathtub for a long time that same night Tommy returned. She wanted to wash the day away and she was afraid to go to sleep. The fear of going to bed and finding out it was all just a dream was too frightening to even attempt. She didn't want to wake up to find herself still trapped in that dim room.

Tommy couldn't sleep either. After putting Charlie to sleep, he sat up in the bedroom chain-smoking. Every so often he heard movement from the bathroom. Leah moving her hand or adjusting her legs in the tub. After a good hour of soaking, he decided to check in with her. He stood up with a groan. His body was aching from the time he spent in the tunnel. Walking stiffly, he knocked on the doorjamb of the open door before entering the bathroom.

Leah had her knees tucked up to her chest. Her eyes were fixed on the gold plated faucets of the tub. She heard Tommy walk in but didn't acknowledge him. She was too deep in her thoughts.

Tommy sighed and sat on the edge of the tub. "Water must be freezing by now." He commented.

She lifted her chin slightly but didn't look at him. "I hadn't noticed." Once he mentioned it, she did begin to feel how much time must've passed without her realizing.

"Maybe you should come and get some sleep," Tommy suggested gently.

Her lips parted but she hesitated. Clutching her knees closer, she shook her head. "I've had dreams before...really vivid dreams." Her voice was hardly above a whisper. "I'm waiting for Jonah at the train station. He gets off the train and he's smiling like he used to whenever he saw me." A tear slipped down her cheek and fell into the bathwater, creating a small ripple. "He takes me into his arms and says we should go back home. I bring him back home and everything's exactly like I left it last. Then he says how happy he's home and how much he missed me. He says he can't wait to spend the rest of his life with me."

Tommy bowed his head. He knew how heartbreakingly real dreams like that could feel. Whether it be nightmares of losing Grace or having dreams of her sitting there and holding Charlie. The first moment Tommy met his son. Grace smiled and introduced him to Charles Shelby. 'He looks like you already.' She always said in the voice he missed so much.

"It's so real, Tommy." Her voice broke and more tears spilled out of her brown eyes. "Then I wake up and have to remember all over again. Remember the letter I got, remember that I'll never be able to bring him home."

He reached over and gently wiped the tears from her cheek. "I'm sorry. I wish I knew how to stop dreams like that."

"I'm afraid that this is one of those dreams. I'll wake up back there in that room with Charlie. I'll wake up and I'll remember that you've been killed. I'll have to remind myself that you're gone and no one is left. No one to even remember I still exist."

Tommy stood and grabbed a towel that was sitting nearby. "C'mere, love." He held out a hand to help her stand and step out of the tub. Her legs shook as she found steady footing on the tiled floor. He wrapped her up in the towel and held her close. "This isn't a dream. You'll go to sleep and you'll wake up here, I promise."

"That's what Jonah says." She choked out a whisper. "He always tells me this time its real. He's really home. It isn't a dream." Her damp hair pressed to his dress shirt. "It's always a dream but he lies and tells me it isn't." She sobbed. "He lies, Tommy."

~~~~~~~~~~~

Leah wasn't in the mood to talk after that. She stayed up late in Tommy's arms. She fought back against the exhaustion in her eyes. Her grip was tight around him, nearly convinced that this was their last time together. She would wake up and find out he'd been killed. So if this was a dream and if this was their last time together, she didn't want to let go.