Promises Not Kept

22

            Tommy returned to Watery Lane later than expected. But he was floundering after such a bizarre day. First, he watched a young boy pummel a man nearly twice his size, all his workers walked out, and Luca Changretta had walked right into his office without trouble. Now he was expected to go back and talk about his feelings with Leah. The headache he was sporting was unlike anything he'd had before. His heart was heavy and at his worst moments, he wasn't one to talk.

But he couldn't get shake off the guilt he felt for putting Leah in such a position. The hurt in her voice was unbearable. She assumed that he didn't want her around.

It felt like his brain was pounding against his skull with every step. Once inside the flat, Tommy prepared himself to face the music. He cleared his throat as he walked into the quiet space. All the lights upstairs were off but there was a lamp still on in the kitchen.

He stalled by the door, taking off his overcoat and ridding himself of the day. He checked his pocket watch as he headed into the kitchen.

Leah was waiting for him in a dressing gown, curled up on a chair, her legs tucked under her. A cup of tea sat in front of her on the table, steam rising from the porcelain. Her blonde hair was loose, curling around her shoulders, brushing against the lace hem of the lilac dressing gown. It reminded him of the color of Grace's wedding dress.

God, he was such a mess.

With a heavy sigh, he kissed her forehead and went to sit down beside her. "I'm sorry." He whispered quietly. "I'm listening now."

Her hazel eyes looked up and she met him with a weak smile. "I'm listening too. I'm not here to just talk your ear off. I want to hear you too."

It was a tall order, probably more than she ever realized. But Tommy did everything he could to just keep on. He leaned forward and tucked his face into the crook of her neck. A sign of vulnerability, lowering his defenses and offering himself to her.

Leah let the room remain quiet for a moment. She pulled her chair a bit closer to him so he wouldn't have to strain his neck so much. Her fingers reached up to card softly through his dark hair. Every so often, she pressed her lips to his temple. Her fingertips brushed across the scar that he still bore from his surgery. It all seemed so long ago. The things they'd faced together, all of them had started to blur together. It was as if they had been stuck in a maze for ages. They continued to walk through the madness; completely unaware of what lay ahead, every turn revealing another hardship they had to conquer.

But they were still walking. And they were walking together.

"I told Grace this, on our wedding day." Tommy broke the silence. He remained close, letting her cradle his head against her shoulder. "The way I show fear is probably different than what you expect. I can be afraid but keep going on. That's all I've known my entire life. Never had the option to stop or turn back. When I was in the tunnels, I couldn't turn back. I can't turn back now, Leah." He lifted his head to look at her. "I can't. I can't run or hide or take back what I've done. If I do then the people I love will die. The things I'll have to do...I don't want you involved in it. So how I cope is-" He frowned and rubbed his eyes. The weeks of pulling away from her were excruciating when he remembered them. "There's no excusing it."

Leah smoothed down his hair and gently drew his hands away from his eyes. "That's all I wanted to know, Tommy." She murmured. Although none of their problems were magically resolved, it was a huge burden off her shoulder to hear him speak candidly to her. "I just wanted to know that you didn't regret meeting me. Whatever happens next, you know I'll be there for you. I'm not turning back either."

He took a shaky breath and tucked a curl behind her ear. "You could though. You could turn back."

She shook her head. "I wanted to turn back but I can't. I can't go back to Jonah. So I just wanted to give up. But you came into my life and I wouldn't give that up for anything. Why would I want to give up the man I love? The family you've given me."

Tommy swallowed and pressed his forehead to hers. "I love you." He whispered.

"I love you too." She murmured and smiled. It had been a while since he made her feel safe. He finally returned to her. "I've missed you so much."

"I'm sorry."

She gently guided his chin up so she could kiss him. He returned the kiss eagerly and fell into the feeling he'd been neglecting for so long. The day melted off his shoulders as he allowed himself to indulge in her soft touch.

He pulled away after a few more quick pecks. "Charlie asleep?"

Leah nodded. They'd gotten a cot for the toddler so all three of them didn't have to squeeze together in one bed. But Charlie decided he liked to be wedged between her and Tommy instead of sleeping on his own. "He fussed a little but he hasn't woken up." She traced her thumb over his sharp cheekbone and down his jaw. A small smile crossed her face.

"What?" Tommy murmured with an amused look.

"Polly thought I was pregnant." She told him, her cheeks going a little red. "Just made me think a bit."

"Yeah?" He searched her eyes. "What did you think?" It felt inevitable at that point. A simple equation. But their situation was a bit tricky. A pregnant fiancee was a perfect target for the Italians. Tommy wasn't sure what he would do if anything happened to her, especially if she were carrying his child. But the prospect of expanding his family with Leah was too tempting. He was a man of gratification.

She chewed on her lip and hesitated to answer. "It's something I've thought about. Once we're married, after all of this is over and we're safe."

"Soon." He promised. "Then we'll go back to Warwickshire, with Charlie. We'll get married and then if we're lucky, we'll have another little girl or little boy." He smiled warmly. "Nice thing to look forward to, aye?"

"Very nice." She agreed. "Very nice."

He grazed his fingertips down the nape of her neck. "Just need to keep moving forward." He murmured very quietly. "We'll make it through this." His blue eyes closed and he took a deep breath.

Leah saw the stress written on his face. He looked exhausted and running low on energy. But she knew he would never quit. Not when the lives of the people he loved were at stake.

She kissed his forehead and stood up. "C'mon, let's get you to bed."