Falling Into The Deep End

Chapter 5

I can't believe I did that! Oh My God! I feel amazing. I am smiling as I walk to my locker as it comes in my sight, I see my two best friends Amber and Charlie waiting for me.

"Omg, we heard what happened!!!" Amber says excitedly

"Yeah, finally you broke up with that dickhead" Charlie says

"I KNOW!!" I say happily

Once I put my stuff down and take my books out for the first two classes. I turn around to see Rebecca, the most popular and meanest girl in the school.

"Hey ugly, I see you have caused drama and school hasn't even started yet" she says

Amber and Charlie step in front of me protectively when they see me. Suddenly, I can't breathe just hearing the word ugly triggers me so much. I wish I had control over the way I react. Now, I am crying and trying to breathe at the same time when my two best friends come put their arm around me. When I look at Charlie's face, I instantly know that Rebecca made a comment about his sexuality. Charlie's gay and has a hard time dealing with the mean things people say to him. Feeling guilty, I black out.

......

When I wake up, I see Nathan sitting opposite me in my bedroom:

"Hey, what happened?" I say weakly

"Oh, thank god your ok!" he says worriedly

"Yeah, what happened?" I say

"You had a panic attack. Your parents were busy because they had an important case to work on and Noah had a really important test, so I brought you home." He says softly

"Of course, I did! Why can't it just stop?!!" I say angrily

"Hey, its not your fault. Ok?"

I nod

"OHHH, I have been wondering, if you could sing for me one of your songs" he says excitedly

I shake my head

"I am not taking no for an answer" he says

"Ok, fine" I say

I take my guitar out and open to the song I currently working on. For some reason, I feel like I can share it with him. I don't know why.

"Just the chorus" I say nervously

Playing the guitar chords. I start to sing:

I never wanna hurt you

I never found the words too

Let you know

Maybe it feels right to you

Someday it might feel right to me

But I need to figure it out on my own

So please let me grow

Please let me go

"That was beautiful" he says whilst clapping his hands

"Thank you" I say quietly

"Tell me what that was about" he says surprising me

"Promise not to say anything about it if I tell you?" I say

"Promise" he says softly 

"Its about my parents!" I blurt out

"Wait. What? Explain please" he says

I sigh

"Ever since I can remember, they have made decisions for me. They expect me to be the perfect daughter and I am scared of hurting their feelings by telling them but now, I find it hard to make decisions because I have never had to do it for myself. That song is called let me go and basically about what I want tell my parents, but I am too scared" I say softly as tears start to stream down my face

"Come here" he says holding out his arms and walking towards me

I go and wrap my arm around his waist and rest my head on his chest while he sits down next to me on my bed. After a while, his phone rings. He picks It up and when he is done:

"I have to go. Will you be ok?" he whispers

I nod

As soon as he is gone. I find my razor and start cutting my thighs as no one will see the cuts there. I cry while doing.

"I think I left my phone on your---" he cuts off when he sees me

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING???" he yells

"I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!" I yell

"shhhh..." as hugs me whilst sitting next to me

I put my head on his shoulder and say:

"Please don't tell anyone. I won't do it again"

He sighs and says:

"Fine"

And I fall asleep on his shoulder

Author's note:

Finally!!! This was hard to write as The other chapters were written beforehand. Ok, comment what you thought of the chapter. Also, How do you feel about panic attacks and self harm?? and did you like the song?? 

Song: Who says by Selena Gomez

I chose this song because I honestly there is always the one song that helps your confidence. This was mine for a long time. I thought this is the perfect opportunity to do so.

Thank you for reading :)

Girlstar xx