Falling Into The Deep End

Chapter 18

"There's a lot of stuff you wouldn't know about unless I tell you and I'm telling you. Ever since I can remember Austin and Samantha have not treated me like they treated Noah. They emotionally abused me and controlled me whilst they treated Noah like he was the best in their life. They made it known to me that because I was a girl, I will do whatever they wish and that ruined me. When I turned 13, they became physically abusive. They hid it well and made sure to never hurt me was visible. Not all the scars I had were from me in fact most of them were from them and I hid them by cutting myself. When I started Freshman year I met Ethan at first he was nice and polite and I wanted to date him but I knew Austin and Samantha would kill me for dating someone and breaking my "ladylike" reputation so I started to date him behind everyone's back. Ethan revealed his true colour a while before it all happened, he raped me and continued to for the rest of the time we were together, but I continued to date him thinking maybe I deserve it, that maybe I deserve to be abused. Ethan used to take me to this place where his gang hung out and I got raped by his gang friends as well. I wanted to see everything in a happy way, and I didn't acknowledge how bad the people who I was supposed to call parents were. Me and Ethan dated until Nathan found us right before he tried to rape me, but I broke up with him. I thought of myself as ugly and fat due to all the bullshit Austin and Samantha said to me. I got better when me and Nathan started to date, and I started to feel better. You really helped me and believe it or not I loved you and I will always love you maybe not in the way I used to, but I will always love you like a brother. I started getting threatened by Ethan and Noah was going through his cancer and I didn't want burden anyone until it got of hand which led me to break up with Nathan and I ran away. I used to dance, sing and write songs they helped me cope and dance is what led me here. Henry, Daniel, you know I got a scholarship at the University of Dance and Music and the reason I got that scholarship was because I competed in competition with Oliver and we won. The school board really like me and offered me a chance even though I was only 16. When I arrived there, I was a mess I couldn't dance or sing or write so I tried acting and here I am. I got a role in this movie and I was still a mess when we started filming so I turned to drinking so I could numb the pain I felt. I can't forgive myself for what I did and I came back from rehab a couple months ago. People know me as the party queen, the person who they can come to if they want a good time. I missed you guys so much. I may have changed, I may be full of tattoes and drink but I will always love you guys. I'm so glad Noah and Linda got married and I'm so glad Andrew and Oliver got engaged. I found so many people by leaving. I got myself back and lost myself but I found a purpose, I found a family and I'm going to have a goddaughter to spoil soon" By the time I'm done I've got my head on Daniels lap.

All five guys are crying as well as me and we don't say anything else and end up sleeping just like we are. We have a lot to talk about and we will. Soon.