bonnie n' clyde ⇒ minsung

eighteen ⇔ apologies

' i wish i could pretend i didn't need you.'
⇒ señorita, shawn mendes and camilla cabello
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a.n: i am so sorry for updating weeks late! i promised to release a chapter way earlier than this but some personal issues came up. i wanted to thank you guys for the sudden amount of votes! it feels like it was just yesterday when i had 6k, now i'm on 12k! hope you enjoy, after this chapter i plan to make it happier so leave suggestions. xoxo

minho's p.o.v:
i held my breath as i listened to jisung's breakdown from the stairs. it wasn't right to pretend i'd left, yet i need confirmation on what he truly felt.
and my proof was in the way he seemed to cry so painfully. deciding on finally leaving, i slyly made my way outside and trod down the darkened streets.
the whistle of the wind and it's cool touch calmed me down for a moment, so i could think of how to solve this.
i was tired of being afraid to act weak in front of others, especially with jisung when i'd accidentally revealed his affection towards me. i was too caught up in the fact that he would never like me back and dismissed the idea before it could actually become real. giving up too quickly was my worst feature.
blowing warm air onto my hands, i glanced at the sun setting in the distance, making up my mind on what i wanted to do. i was going to apologise and make jisung feel special.
one thing was tugging at my heartstrings, screaming at me to halt my actions. your not good enough for him, my mind bellowed at me. you don't deserve his love.
unavoidable memories rose within my chest, making me heave. i stopped to catch my breath. no matter how much that dark corner of my mind told me not to execute my plan, i will do it.
even if it overwhelms me.
the next day:
i arrived to school, the halls empty and echoing with my light footsteps. the night before, i had prepared a note for jisung to find when he shows up to school. something along the lines of ' meet me under the blossom tree behind school'.
in all honesty, i hadn't prepared where we were gonna go this evening. i just knew jisung needed to feel complete.
slipping the note in, i proceeded to class.
the day passed fairly quickly, but not without my skin prickling with doubts. did he see the note? will he show up?
by the time i got to the tree, jisung was already there, something different. his hair was freshly died, a royal blue that starkly contrasted his soft features.
the atmosphere around him was all but his usual cocky self. his hair didn't really brighten his mood, just dampened it.
' hey...' i cautiously approached him, coming to a halt in front of his figure.
his eyes lifted to meet mine, glossed over with indescribable emotions. he smiled that beautiful smile of his.
' hi minho. you seem to be giving me a lot of notes recently?'
we laughed together, slightly lifting the tension.
' yeah.. i felt like i owe you an apology for everything that happened yesterday. i didn't want you to feel as if i didn't care.'
jisung's light mood shifted to a heavy isolated feeling. he didn't say anything, just continued to stare at the ground.
' let's not talk about that right now. do you wanna go to the record store? i heard you liked them.'
he looked up slowly, eyes sparkling with want. although he didn't show much excitement, i could tell he was up for it.
' sure. just.. just don't talk about that right now okay? what happened yesterday.'
nodding, i linked his arm with mine and we lazily strolled down the road, sun already hiding behind the city buildings. it was serene, walking in silence with jisung as we accidentally brushed hands now and then.
that feeling from last night was threatening to make me back out, always lingering on the tip of my tongue. i gulped, pushing it down. not now.
we arrived, pushing the stores door open. a large array of records and vinyls were resting on bookshelves, thick with dust as it wasn't too popular around here.
jisung immediately gravitated to some corner of the shop, leaving me to follow him. i ventured to the opposite side and could see jisung's eyes searching their covers. hesitantly, i reached my hand through and booped his nose.
he giggled cutely, slapping my hand away. i shamelessly smiled, going onto poke his cheek. that lead to him squirming and the whole bookshelf nearly toppled over. we were in fits of laughter by the time jisung had actually selected one.
i dragged him out, spinning him round.
' i love the change in hair colour by the way. it suits you.'
jisung blushed slightly, turning away. smiling, i sped up to match his pace, following wherever he wanted to go. we ended up on a small hill, bathing in the remains of sunshine. from here, i could stare at jisung's ethereal features.
i could finally admit to myself that he was indeed beautiful without feeling repulsed by it. just because i 'hated' him in school, didn't mean i couldn't appreciate his looks.
' so why'd you invite me out, minho?' jisung softly asked, voice serious.
' i told you. to apologise for everything.'
he huffed at my answer, sounding fed up. everything changed from there.
' you don't get it, do you? i've admired you for as long as i can remember and just because you cried a little over my sad excuse of a crush means i can forgive you? i don't want to say this, but grow up. not everything can be solved with your charm and a pointless date.'
jisung stood, brushing his clothes off. not letting me speak, he continued.
' i love you minho. i really do. but, i know you aren't ready for my affection. i can see right through your act, how your insecure. i understand. just don't force things on yourself expecting me to be happy that you've ran back to me. honestly, it upsets me more.' he paused. ' it's been nice today. thanks for the record. talk to me when your ready, okay?'
jisung touched my cheek, giving me a saddened, reassuring smile before disappearing behind a building.
i hadn't realised i'd started crying until i felt a droplet on my hand. that feeling rose, bursting out of me all at once. a blubbering mess.
i refused to wipe the tears away as i hauled myself from my seating place, drunkenly walking down the streets.
i felt heartbroken. i may not have not lost jisung, but to know that i could have him but wasn't ready for it hurt me more.
disappointment settled in my bones. why couldn't i just fucking grow up? starting loving myself so i could love jisung?
i knew i was so tired of feeling like shit, tired of living my reputation at school, tired of giving all my hope up. yet, nothing changed.
the same lee minho i was as an immature kid still stayed with me.
' i promise, jisung. i will love myself just so i can love you. i swear.'
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whoops another sad chap. this is minho's way of clearing things up so expect better atmospheres from now on!
i'll see you soon! <3