Taming My Ruthless Husband (Revised)

Kabanata 23

Drake's POV

Pagal ang katawan kong binuksan ang pintuan ng kwarto. Halos wala akong pahinga sa pagbabantay kay mom sa ospital. Mabuti na lang at maayos na siya. Nagising lang ito sandali at nakatulog muli. Pinagbantay ko na muna si manang Conching sa kanya.

I saw my lovely wife sleeping soundly. Her luscious lips were slightly parted. She looks tired and exhaustion is evident on her lovely face. Neverthelss, she's very beautiful. Damn it!

"What you're doing is transference. It is when someone  redirect their feelings about one person to someone else. In your case, you see your wife as that woman from your past. I warned you before, you're not yet stable and should not be emotionally engaged to someone. You have no firm control over your emotions. You're being overpowered by it and it affects your cognition and logic. " I remember Dr. Malcolm said in one of our psychotherapy sessions. He has been my psychologist for the past few years since I came back from the U. S.

I'm slowly becoming a monster. No. I'm already a monster, like Roger. Goddamn it!

I gently caressed my wife's hair. I deliberately inflicted pain on her so I can get even. I thought she killed my child and that thought opened a wound from the past that was never healed. My anger ate me and I acted before I think.

When I saw her again almost three years ago, I know I'm doomed. Again. And I'm badly smitten. She was full of life. Indeed she turned into a fine young lady. But still, she was very young. Too young to be caged by me.Too young not to change her feelings over time. I know she's just infatuated.And I was still lost. Haven't won the battle over my own beast. I know I will hurt her, one way or another. So I pushed her away, avoided her.

But my mother's fiftieth birthday came. I slipped and I was not able to control myself. Who wouldn't? A goddess was kissing me. Full of love in her eyes. Finally, I owned her. And that was the best night of my life. I was really excited to have her as my wife. But still, I have doubts. Doubts with myself. Kaya ko ba? Kaya ko na ba?

Before our wedding came, I met with Loraine. We were on a no strings attached relationship, like the previous women I had in my life. She knows the score but still deserves a proper closure. And that was when she told me about the lie, that we were about to have a child but Alyanna accidentally killed it. I easily believed that lie because it happened before. I lost my first child with my father's wh*re! That wh*re who took my innocence, who intentionally killed my child! And I thought Alyanna did the same. I was blinded by my emotion. It easily took over me. I planned to punish Alyanna, like the way I wanted to punish my father and his wh*re but was not given the chance. And it always gives me satisfaction when I give punishment to someone who did me wrong, punish them way way beyond what they did. And my wife was not an exception. My mind is in haywire.

I used Tracy. I never told her the reason but she willingly agreed anyway. I introduced my wife to the monster within me. I was cruel, inhumane at some point. This is what Roger wanted me to be. But my lovely wife accepted me, hugged every thorn I have. And that made me forgive her, and fall harder, even before I found out Loraine's lies.

When Lorraine confessed, I almost forgot that she's dying. I strangled her neck. But I am the one to be blamed. I could have conducted an investigation before believing her lies.
I did not tell my wife the truth. That Lorraine lied about her pregnancy. I was scared that she will loathe me.I caused her so many heartaches. And I was afraid that she will leave me once she found out the truth. My fvcking plans backfired on me. I am a coward. But I can't risk to lose Alyanna. The only one who can keep me sane.

I pampered her instead, give everything that will make her happy. Made her feel the love which she truly deserves. But I did not expect that she will betray me. Not her. Not my innocent Alyanna. But she did.