The Lightning Awards Season 3 [IN SESSION]

Red Spider Lily

Judged by Amy (daedaliaaan)

Category: Simple Is Best

[ Author: ArimaMary ]

Title (3/5): I rather like the title – simple, yet it helps foreshadow a few things within the story. The symbolism behind the flower matches the context to which it is used in the plot. However, it may be difficult for other readers to understand the title's relation to the plot considering that the 'red spider lily' mentioned is written by its Japanese name in the story as higanbana. Not all readers would be able to connect the two and understand the meaning of the flower and how it relates to the story's plot without research.

Plot (21/25): Despite the rather cliché plot of unreciprocated love, you have added your own twist to it that makes the story seem much deeper and meaningful than what meets the eye. On the surface, it seems that it is only Sakuma who holds strong feelings of love and affection to Kidou, which he hides in fear of not being reciprocated. It looks simple until you read into it, and you can see the subtle suggestion of Fudou’s internal conflict with his own feelings. The suggestion is pushed further when readers see through Sakuma’s point-of-view of Fudou’s odd reactions, which plants the seed of curiosity as to why exactly is Fudou acting that way. As you’ve also mentioned in your ending note, despite its main plot leaning more towards the Kidou and Sakuma pairing, certain scenes from the middle to the end of the plot suggests that there is a possibility that this is a story revolving around Fudou and Sakuma or even all three of them! I find it absolutely fascinating that this one-shot can be interpreted in different ways.

Another point I would like to note that I find absolutely amazing is how this shows a more gentle side to unrequited love, portraying not only the sadness but also the acceptance and optimism Sakuma has for his feelings for Kidou as it can be seen in the ending conclusion. Too often we see unrequited love stories painted in a dim light, painful sadness and loneliness powerful enough to eventually break the person inside out. I do understand that most readers do take find pleasure and reading such 'angsty' forms of unrequited love stories. However, this plot doesn't go down that path and instead portrays a good balance of sadness and happiness in one short one-shot. It's refreshing to see that with the Red Spider Lily, Sakuma approaches his unrequited love with acceptance and finding joy in Kidou's happiness without any means of treating his feelings like it's the end of his world. And I think it's important to have stories like these where the protagonist finds the strength and courage to love without being loved in return by and for himself rather than moving on to someone new. I docked a few points because I personally felt that this plot would work better with a few more chapters added to it, as having it only as a one-shot seems a bit too constricting for a plot that can be developed even further.

Characterization (17/20): As the main protagonist of this story, Sakuma was characterized quite alright. I have to admit, it's not quite the best characterization I've read, but it fits the plot fine, considering that this is supposedly his characterization when faces with unrequited love. Sakuma's flow of thought matched him well, but his personality felt a bit bland and generic in terms of dialogue. Then again, the story is showcasing Sakuma's internal conflict so the dialogues aren't exactly the main focus, so the description of the action and thought helps cover for the entirety of Sakuma's characterization. Fudou's characterization was something I liked. His mischievousness was quite on point, and the sudden shyness that appeared within the story. I can easily picture Fudou's behavior and words which just shows how well suited he was with how you have written his character.

Grammar and Writing Style (15/15): Your grammar is excellent as always! With the use of simple vocabulary and a variety of sentence structures, this one-shot is easily readable and enjoyable. One of the key points I look for when judging this category is the consistency of tenses, and I'm glad to see that your past tenses are consistent and properly used. Although some stories would require different uses of tenses for flashbacks and such, it can be very easy to make mistakes and interrupt the flow of the story. I especially like how this is written in third person through Sakuma's point-of-view which makes the story more personal and sympathetic towards how he feels.

Originality (8/10): I've docked a few points due to the concept of the plot is one of the most popular tropes for fanfiction, but I love your take on unrequited love. As I've said before in the Plot category, most unrequited love stories are written with a bucketful of angst and sometimes barely any happiness unless the person moves on with another person, but your story showed a version of unrequited love that has the protagonist pull through by himself and finds acceptance and peace with his current position and feelings.

Feels Factor (13/15): I love this one-shot so much. I have so much sympathy and love for Sakuma and for how he feels that makes me just want to push through my screen and give him a warm hug. The reason why I took a few points is that the ending of this one-shot doesn't particularly make me feel sad. Instead, it makes me feel lighter and hopeful for Sakuma, but not an overly emotional reaction as what 'feels' is often described as.

Total [Raw] 77/90 [Final] 85.6%

Banner by -artxyuki