The Lightning Awards Season 3 [IN SESSION]

Descent into Darkness (FFN entry)

Judged by Mary Seph (ArimaMary)

Category: Simple Is Best

[ Author: Bitway ]

>Title 3/5: "Descent into Darkness" had me...confused. it is a straightforward title, yes, but not very eye-catching unless I was looking for a Haizaki-centered fic and looked past all the flaws in the canon. Perhaps it is too common of a title to stand out. However, it is as edgy as him which I commend you for.

>Plot 23/25: This one-shot focuses on Haizaki and Akane's relationship, showing Haizaki's descent, from the day Akane returned from Outei Tsukinomiya to the thirteen year old Haizaki. It was consistent (in the story and with canon) and grounded, having taken the anime as its base and digging deeper. One thing I wished this one-shot answered was why Akane so important to him. Yes, it is clear she is, but not why. Was she his only friend? Young Haizaki's personality seems to point out such but his school life is never brought up. Akane and Haizaki were neighbors in a low-income neighborhood, so did Haizaki had no friends before her? Ever? Also, I wish it explore his motive for revenge deeper; he seemed to have given up on Akane's recovery after all. If there was a twist, and, for example, he set on revenge to let out his pent up emotions--which are definitely there--the story would have had more layers to dissect. Don't get me wrong, the story was great. I see a lot of potential to make it better. 

>Characterization 19/20: It. Was. Fantabulous. Hazaki was just like how he was shown in the anime, but seeing the world through his eyes was a whole new experience. As a dissapointed Ares viewer, I see Haizaki in a new light. This is the quality I expected from the show, making this fic one of the top recommendations for Ares fanfic. It's as canon as it gets. Congratulations! Plus, Young Haizaki felt like a kid even if it wasn't shown how old he was in the flashback; he's a kid who lost an important friend, even if he won't admit it. There's just one thing that prevented me to give you a full score, and this the second to last scene. There seemed to be a hole in Haizaki's motive to get revenge. The same thing the anime didn't touch upon to make it understandable. Revenge is a terrible thing, so Haizaki should have some kind of solid logic to justify his motives. "For Akane, for my friend" is what it is known... but there's something lacking. It doesn't feel complete. I explained this further on Feels Factor. On Akane's side, the change in her personality was also solidly portrayed through Haizaki's imagination and memories. She feels like a real little girl with a concrete expressive and emotional personality.

>Grammar and Writing Style 14/15: I didn't find may mistakes. Tiny ones in fact--to instead of too for example. You kept the present tense almost consistent throughout but in the second before last scene and the last scene. Your direct style matched well with Haizaki to bring out his character to the fullest. 

>Originality 8/10: In these kind of fics, it is only natural to have a low score in Originality. After all, the events were taken from the anime, and I have already given points for the presentation in Plot, Characterization, and Feels Factor for what your fic adds to the original material. However, I want to point out your effort for bringing out Haizaki's character and putting together the pieces from that mess. For that, I gave you a point.

>Feels Factor 14/15: Emotions. . .this was the best part of the fic. Haizaki is an emotional person, and as I said in Characteriation, you nailed him. His shock, anger, disbelief, and despair punched me in the chest. While I cringe at the anime, I want to keep rereading young Haizaki's emotional turmoil. As I mentioned in Plot, however, the last scene seemed to be lacking that same turmoil. Years had passed, but he was still hung up on Akane. How had his feelings changed in that time? How else had he change as a person?

Total [Raw] 81/90 [Final] 90% 

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